Finish The Sentence - Part One

“Finish the sentence” sounds like a party game, until you realise it can drag the truth straight to the surface. We sit down as Bonus Dad and Bonus Daughter with a stack of prompts and zero idea where they will lead, and we end up in a warm, funny, occasionally uncomfortable place where real life shows up fast.

We start with advice that actually sticks, from the silly stuff you remember forever to the heavy realisations about being young once, losing time, and wishing you had lived a bit louder. From there we talk about first impressions and being misread, especially when your appearance makes people assume you are meek or mild. Then we go deep on music, lyric meaning, and why so many of us sing along for years before we understand what a song is truly about. If you love songwriting, pop culture, or lyrical storytelling, you will recognise that moment when the meaning finally clicks.

The second half turns reflective: the day we would relive, why rollercoasters and family chaos become core memories, and what success looks like when you stop equating it with money. We share a vivid story about an Alaska wilderness inheritance show that captures “rich in life” perfectly, then move into self care, therapy, appetite, chronic pain, smoking, and the habit that keeps coming up again and again: learning to say no. We finish on what we think is the most underrated skill of all, communication, including sarcasm, body language, emotional intelligence, and how trauma can wire you to read a room.

If you enjoy honest family conversations, personal development without the fluff, and a podcast that can laugh and get serious in the same breath, subscribe, share it with a mate, and leave us a review so more people can find Bonus Dad Bonus Daughter.

Transcript

Welcome And The Premise

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello and welcome to Bonus Dad.

SPEAKER_03 0:02

Bonus Daughter, a special father-daughter podcast with me, Hannah.

SPEAKER_00 0:05

And me, Davy, where we discuss our differences, similarities, share a few laughs and stories. Within our ever-changing and complex world.

SPEAKER_03 0:13

Each week we will discuss a topic from our own point of view. And influences throughout the decades.

SPEAKER_00 0:18

Or you could choose one by contacting us.

SPEAKER_03 0:20

Via email, Instagram, Facebook, or TikTok. Links in bio. Hello and welcome to another episode of Bonus Dad, Bonus Daughter. We have some special fairy guests today who just dropped a tennis ball on the table.

SPEAKER_00 0:32

And uh Ruby is looking at me, wanting me to throw the tennis ball, and she's whining, bless her little heart, no rubs. Gone in your bed, darling.

The Finish The Sentence Challenge

SPEAKER_03 0:42

Today's episode is Finish the Sentence, and quite frankly, it scares me because I have no idea what this is, and you've planned something, and I'm scared.

SPEAKER_00 0:49

This is uh you could almost argue that this could be a little bit about personal insights.

SPEAKER_03 0:58

Oh, gosh.

SPEAKER_00 0:59

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:00

I'm not ready to reveal myself to the world.

SPEAKER_00 1:03

Ah, dun, dan, dan.

SPEAKER_03 1:05

The time has come.

SPEAKER_00 1:06

This is where we learn a little bit more about Hannah.

SPEAKER_03 1:09

Me? Yeah. Are we not both doing it?

SPEAKER_00 1:11

Uh well, I suppose we could do.

SPEAKER_03 1:13

That would make me feel better.

SPEAKER_04 1:17

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:18

Okay. I'm scared. I have a number of finish the sentence questions.

SPEAKER_04 1:23

How many?

SPEAKER_00 1:24

I've got 30, but we'll see how many we get through.

SPEAKER_04 1:27

30?

SPEAKER_00 1:28

Yeah. And I am nervous. The first question is you do look really nervous.

SPEAKER_04 1:36

I genuinely am. I'm like, what's gonna come up? My deepest, darkest secrets. Yeah. You're gonna learn a lot about me and they're not gonna like me anymore.

SPEAKER_00 1:43

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 1:43

Okay, ready?

SPEAKER_00 1:45

I put prompts that work well because they will tend to spark stories, opinions, humour, and personal insights. Okay. Are you ready for this?

SPEAKER_03 1:57

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 1:58

Are you hugging a pillow?

SPEAKER_03 1:59

I th I need it for protection.

SPEAKER_00 2:03

Okay, finish this sentence.

Advice About Youth And Living

SPEAKER_03 2:05

Yes. The best advice I've ever received is the best advice that I've ever received.

SPEAKER_00 2:15

I'll say mine. I don't know if this was the best advice, but this was one piece of advice that I got told to me when I was seven years old by a teacher in an assembly, and it was hilarious, and it's always stuck with me. Okay. He said, when you finally remember this, he said this to all the kids at primary school, and I think it was his last day, and he was leaving. And he said, There's one piece of advice I want to give everybody in this room. He said, When you start a job, always walk fast with a piece of paper in your hand, and no one will ever ask you what you're doing. Do you know what that stuck with me? Like for the case.

SPEAKER_03 2:55

I do understand where they're coming from, but they did not realise that we would go paperless.

SPEAKER_00 2:59

I know, but that's just it's flawed. But but it's true. You see, you see somebody walking fast with a piece of paper or a clipboard, you never ask them what they're doing. You think, oh, they must be up to something good. They're busy.

SPEAKER_03 3:11

They're busy. Um best advice. I've I've been given a lot of poor advice. Um the best advice I've ever been given.

SPEAKER_00 3:21

First one that pops into your head.

SPEAKER_03 3:22

The the first one that popped into my head was just kind of you are only young once, and I don't mean to be like YOLO, but Yeah. It's becoming the more apparent to me, the more the more that I've got older and more poorly that I I wish, although I had, you know, uh COVID took a lot of my twenties away anyway, but uh I wish I'd lived a bit more.

SPEAKER_01 3:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 3:51

I I I was a really good child and I didn't go to the parties and I didn't do any of that.

SPEAKER_00 3:55

You were really good.

SPEAKER_03 3:56

And and I think a part of me was because I wanted uh to be really good at school and I wanted to excel and I wanted to do well and I wanted to make you proud and I wanted to make you know people proud. But I think if I really think back to then, I think I could have I could have been a bit more social and a bit A bit more rebellious, a bit not necessarily rebellious because that's not in my not in my nature really, but I wish I'd I wish I'd had a bit more fun. That's a lot of fun. Yeah, a bit more dangerous.

SPEAKER_00 4:25

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 4:26

Um I'm trying to make up for it now.

SPEAKER_00 4:28

Yeah. So

First Impressions And Being Yourself

SPEAKER_00 4:30

next question.

SPEAKER_03 4:30

Yeah something people always get wrong about me is I think a lot of people because I'm quite short.

SPEAKER_00 4:42

They don't get your height wrong.

SPEAKER_03 4:43

It's not that it's not the height thing. It's more they think that I'm innocent and I don't like that because I'm small and petite, I guess. I'm not saying innocent in a in a in a sexual contest or anything like that. I just mean I think people assume that I'm don't listen to Bring Me Horizon. That you know I know what you mean. You know what I mean? Like they don't, you know, I I've got tattoos now and stuff like that, and I think that's really coming out, but I think a lot of people just assume that I'm really meek and mild.

SPEAKER_00 5:13

I saw something the other day on on uh Facebook post where someone said, went to a heavy metal concert, was scared before I went because thought they'd all be horrible. But everybody at a heavy metal concert is really nice. Yeah. Or a Metallica concert was really nice.

SPEAKER_03 5:26

Metal heads are the nicest people. Yeah, then like the nicest people I know are covered in tattoos, yeah, big burly guys. I think of Jay. When I think of someone that's like into their like RJ. Yeah, RJ, yeah. Like, I guess he could look intimidating. Jay is lovely, Jay is like the loveliest human. He's been a mental health support worker. He's literally a mental health support worker. So, like, I'm not saying I'm not saying he looks like that, I'm just saying, like, as an example, he's you know, uh, yeah, he's an amazing musician, isn't he?

SPEAKER_00 5:56

Exactly.

SPEAKER_03 5:57

Looks can be deceiving, and I think a lot of people uh uh on first thought would be like, oh, she's she's might meek and march, you won't listen to Fallout Boy and Cael Storm.

SPEAKER_00 6:06

And just going back to the first one about the best piece of advice.

How Songs Trick Our Ears

SPEAKER_00 6:10

Oh, yeah, yeah. I just thought be yourself. Just be yourself, do what you want to do. Um, there's a song by Baz Luhrmann, and it is Don't Forget to Wear Sunscreen. So Baz Luhrmann's a director, he directed Romeo and Juliet with Leonardo Julian. Which one? Oh, that one There's a lot of adaptations.

SPEAKER_03 6:29

Um Kate Winslot.

SPEAKER_00 6:30

And no, it's not Kate Winslet. Oh no. Is oh god, I can't remember who's in it.

SPEAKER_03 6:34

I was thinking of Titanic.

SPEAKER_00 6:35

Yeah, I can't remember who's in it. Claire Danes. Claire Danes. And he wrote a song called Don't Forget to Wear Sunscreen.

SPEAKER_04 6:41

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 6:41

Now, when I heard that when I was in my twenties, it is so it it basically it's an amazing song, please listen to it. But I only really understood, I only really not understood it, I understood it in my twenties, I know what he was trying to say, but I only really appreciate it now.

SPEAKER_03 6:58

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 6:59

Because of my age. It gives like piece of advice, it's basically giving advice to people. And it's things it's things like don't wear don't read beauty magazines because that'll only make you feel ugly.

SPEAKER_01 7:09

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:10

Um you know, and but it's the first piece of advice it says if there's one thing, one piece of advice that I do have, don't forget to wear sunscreen.

SPEAKER_03 7:16

I I have actually been listening to a back like a lot of older music that I listened to when I was when I grew up, you know, growing up with you guys. Um particularly like Fleetwood Mac at the moment has been playing a lot in our house. Um but now when I listen to Landslide and when I sing it, I'm starting to understand it a lot more. And I think that's it's it's one of those things in life when you turn back to something and you you were singing those songs as a kid, not really understanding the meaning, you just like the beat and you like the song, which isn't there's nothing wrong with that. But when you look back and you think that the lyrics, you think, oh my gosh, yeah, I get it. I get it now.

SPEAKER_00 7:49

So I mean the thing is, you know, because I am I am a lyricist, so you know that's what I do. I write, I I write, I write songs for the band, I write songs for myself. So I always listen to lyrics, and I always, always listen you know to the lyrics and work out what they mean. Now, there is a thing on Facebook at the moment, or on TikTok, I can't remember which one it is. Americans have got hold of pulp song, common people.

SPEAKER_02 8:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:12

Right? But they haven't listened to the lyrics and they don't know what the song is about. So basically, they've ri there's this whole trend at the moment where people go and saying, like, well, I'm I'm never gonna be one of the common people, whatever you know, I'm different. I'm never gonna be one of the common people. But they're playing like pulp song and the people the song is the opposite meaning, exactly, and people in the UK basically saying he's saying, you know, the the rich people will never be never be as cool and as exciting as ourselves. But you don't understand what it's like with the hardships that we have to go through as common people, and these Americans are kind of going, you know, I'll never be one of the common people. I'm you know, I'm too different. I'm just the the opposite meaning, yeah. And well, and I was looking at this because I was like, You have not listened to the lyrics. Yeah, you have no idea.

SPEAKER_03 9:01

Because you when I shared that um clip of me doing uh Down with the sickness to you, yeah, I said, I know the song is not about literal sickness, but it it was funny because I was trying to well, basically I was gonna I was saying down with the sickness as in I don't want to be sick anymore. Yeah, yeah. But I remember like I checked with you first because I was like, Do you think people are gonna think oh I don't know the meaning of this song or whatever? Because it's all about because down with the sickness is all about um basically being yourself.

SPEAKER_02 9:29

Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_03 9:29

And and pe and him saying, Come on, let's get down and be like down with the sickness means as in let's all be together with our individual individualities. Yeah, yeah. Um and I just took it literally, but yeah. There was a song by Daughtry. I remember having this um this feeling in my head. He'd done a song called All These Lives. I don't know if you remember that one, it was off the first album. All these lives are chub and tick. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Um I was listening to it, and there's a line in it where it goes, uh You're not a person, you're a disease. And I took this literally, thinking, Oh, the song's about cancer. It's not, it's about child abduction. Yeah, it's yeah, yeah. Because he wrote it for the charity all these. And I was like, I had no idea. I was like singing this song, and I was like, oh my gosh, now I get the lyrics.

SPEAKER_00 10:18

Like, um, you didn't know what the divinals was all about until that was so funny when you were singing that and you the moment of realisation came across your face. I can't even remember how old you were, but you just looked at me and your mum was like, oh my god, I've just realized what this song's about.

SPEAKER_03 10:35

That song, I honestly, I freaking love to sing that song. It is so I love how the melody goes. I love everything about it, but I feel so uncomfortable singing it out loud. But I I freaking love singing that song. That is one of my favourite songs to sing like ever. Along with Fairground Attraction Perfect as well. Yeah. Those two songs, I whenever the house no one's in the house, I'm like, that's a small thing's called I touch myself. It's like how literal can you get? I thought it was like, you know.

SPEAKER_00 11:10

Yeah. I saw I I saw a video on um Papa Roach the other day about how they wrote Last Resort.

SPEAKER_03 11:15

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:16

Yeah, that was really good.

SPEAKER_03 11:17

I didn't realise until much later in life it was cut my arm bleeding. Yeah. Um I didn't realise that, and then I realised what the song was about. Yeah. Um again, as you say, as a kid, you don't really just you don't take it in, you just bottle along with everyone else having a good time.

SPEAKER_00 11:30

But yeah, I mean you I like it.

SPEAKER_03 11:33

Chester Beddingfield.

SPEAKER_00 11:34

Chester Beddington. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 11:36

I got confused between Daniel.

SPEAKER_00 11:37

Beddingfield, yeah. It's it's like when you I like when they get a song where it's quite dark. And uh the song is quite dark, but they put a happy melody to it.

SPEAKER_03 11:47

Half times by paramour, classic example of that.

SPEAKER_00 11:49

Yeah, foster the kid, foster the people pumped up kicks. Faster mumble my gun.

SPEAKER_03 12:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:01

Yeah, it's yeah, well, outrun my gun, and then the next verse is faster than faster than money.

SPEAKER_03 12:05

Isn't I hate Mondays about school shooting?

SPEAKER_00 12:07

Yeah, Columbine? So y no, it's not Columbine, it was a girl who um Boom Tang Mats wrote it. And what happened was was Bob Geldof was on a radio show, and the story broke about this girl who had basically she'd she'd gone home one Monday one Monday morning and was taking pot shots outside a school and killed a load of people. And when they arrested her and asked her why she did it, her reasoning was she she just said, I don't like Mondays. So Bob Geldoff wrote I'm with her. I mean, I mean, even in the first line of that song, the silicon chip inside her head gets switched to overload. Yeah, nobody's gonna go to school today, she's gonna make them stay at home. Yeah, and Daddy doesn't understand it. She always said she was good as gold, and she can see no reason because there are no reasons because reasons that need to be so oh, oh, oh, well, tell me why I don't like Mondays. Tell me why I don't like Mondays. Anyway, see, how can I remember those lyrics, but not my own?

SPEAKER_04 13:03

Yeah, I know. I can't wait for that episode to come out.

SPEAKER_03 13:07

Is it already out, actually?

SPEAKER_00 13:08

Uh yeah, because it was out last Thursday.

SPEAKER_03 13:10

I've done all the thumbnails, by the way.

SPEAKER_00 13:12

I got I got a text from Charlotte basically says, You're shit.

SPEAKER_03 13:18

Yes, he is, Charlotte. You are 100% right. I need to meet Charlotte in person. I feel like we'd get along. She's been in this room. Well not with me. No, not with you.

SPEAKER_00 13:28

She came to she brought Izzy to have her haircut. Cute.

SPEAKER_03 13:31

Is that her daughter?

SPEAKER_00 13:32

Yes. Cute. Uh we've only got on question two and we're 15 minutes here.

SPEAKER_03 13:36

You keep going off.

SPEAKER_00 13:37

I don't know if we're gonna do all 30.

SPEAKER_03 13:38

Let's do number three.

SPEAKER_00 13:39

Let's do

The Days We Would Relive

SPEAKER_00 13:40

number three. Uh, if you could relive one day of your life, what would it be? Or if I could live one day of my life, it would be chills carefully.

SPEAKER_03 13:50

There are so many.

SPEAKER_00 13:51

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_03 13:52

And all of them are with Mitchell. Mm-hmm. Um do you know what first came into my head?

SPEAKER_00 13:58

Go on.

SPEAKER_03 13:59

When the cat peed in a suitcase. Because that was so freaking funny. And I mean it was annoying, but there there was it's a core memory for me. That was so funny. I could say my wedding day, but that's a bit cliche. It's very cliche, and um, I was very nervous on my wedding day, to be honest. Um, not to marry him, but because of all the people, yeah. Wasn't you know, wasn't my thing um as such. Um cat being in a suitcase was funny.

SPEAKER_00 14:32

Yeah. There isn't one that completely sticks out for me.

SPEAKER_03 14:35

For me, possibly the first time I ever rode um a particular roller coaster in Fantasialand called Taron. Yeah. Because I got off that, turned to Mitchell and said, What the frickin' heck was that? What did we just ride on? Because it was just I've never ridden anything like that before. Um so I'm gonna go with Taron, my first time on Taron. I don't know what it'll be.

SPEAKER_00 14:55

It would probably be something it'll be sometime that me, you, and your mum spent together one day. Someday something nice. Yeah, yeah, but but there's just so many. I remember not one specific.

SPEAKER_03 15:07

I I I don't know if Auntie Sally listens to this podcast or not.

SPEAKER_00 15:11

I think she does actually, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 15:12

I'll never forget the day, uh, your 50th birthday party on the beach. I was hiding behind this freaking boat for ages because you guys just wouldn't sit down on the beach. I was your surprise. I don't know why mum does this. I was your surprise. Hello. Um sorry, like all of all the prizes you could have had, pretty shit one. Um, and uh and Auntie Sally comes up behind me and she goes, Who are you hiding from? And it was just such a funny moment because you knew exactly what I was doing. And I was like, I look like don't be suspicious.

SPEAKER_00 15:43

Don't be suspicious.

SPEAKER_03 15:44

Like uh it's just yeah, um that one was very funny. I liked it when we all went to Alton Towers and my food got taken by another woman. That was funny.

SPEAKER_00 15:53

Oh god, yeah, yeah, yeah. In the roller coaster restaurant. That was funny. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 15:57

Um, I liked taking you on Subterror.

SPEAKER_00 16:00

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 16:01

Uh the Drop Tower without telling you it was a drop tower.

SPEAKER_00 16:03

Yeah. So evil.

SPEAKER_03 16:07

Getting you on the smile, that was pretty cool.

SPEAKER_00 16:11

That bloody song, honestly, that's stuck in my head for days after.

SPEAKER_04 16:13

Well, that's not the song, but I can sing it if you're not.

SPEAKER_00 16:15

No, no, no, you're fine. You're good. Yeah, yeah. No, don't. Seriously, don't. Don't. It is the most annoying pitch and that was that was a pretty like you you're not a massive.

SPEAKER_03 16:26

I don't know if it's heights that you're afraid of, or more the fact that you're got no control. I think that's probably what it is.

SPEAKER_00 16:32

It's verticals.

SPEAKER_03 16:33

Vertical lift hills, you know. Vertical lift hills. And you did very well. You've done two vertical lift hills on that one coaster.

SPEAKER_00 16:37

And the Dugga Duggars.

SPEAKER_03 16:38

Dugga Duggers.

SPEAKER_00 16:39

Shoot me, shoot me in a roller coaster like the Hulk in Florida. You would love Tarran.

SPEAKER_03 16:44

You would absolutely love Tarran.

SPEAKER_00 16:45

Speed, I'm almost all over speed. Rita, speed, absolutely. But I mean, oh my god, when we were uh Annabelle dropped me, my dad, and Anthony in the shit, didn't she? In uh in Florida. Oh, because we're in SeaWorld and Annabelle wanted to go on the really tall, yeah, really tall roller coaster. So me, my brother, and dad, we took her on it. Bearing in mind this was dad's first ever roller coaster. Then we yeah, this was dad's first and me and Anne, me and Anth were like, Colin. So I sat with dad, and Anth sat with uh with Annabelle, and we went on this thing, and it gets to the top and it drops down. And dad absolutely loved it, he really loved it. Um, and Annabelle loved it as well. And then when we were watching the uh was um dolphin, not dolphins, uh, Annelle said to Mummy, and she pointed at the roller coaster and went, Uncle David, Uncle Anthony, and grandad took me on that. And Amanda just glared at the three of us, and we were like three, you know, like the three wise monkeys. We just sat there like and she just went, that one, like this. Um she enjoyed it, she loved it, yeah. She loved it.

SPEAKER_03 18:09

I think if she came off it scared, I could understand why she'd be upset.

SPEAKER_00 18:14

She didn't go on rock um the rock not the no the um Aerosmith one.

SPEAKER_03 18:20

Oh rock and roll, roll.

SPEAKER_00 18:21

Rock and roll because of the speed it went, because she was gonna go on with Jack.

SPEAKER_03 18:24

Right.

SPEAKER_00 18:25

And me and Anth and It's actually probably one of the smoothest launches. Yeah, I think me, Anth Hills, Jack, Annabelle, and your mum were gonna go on it, but when it when it starts, Annabelle was just like, nope, I'm out. Oh, that's fair enough. If she doesn't want to go on it, that's yeah, she she we got there and she wanted to go on it, but when she saw it go, she was like, No.

SPEAKER_03 18:42

It is quite scary launches. I do, I do, I do understand why I chan't want to do that. Yeah, I prefer them personally, but yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:49

I think we're I think we're probably only gonna get ten of these done.

SPEAKER_03 18:52

Yeah, well you keep going off peace.

SPEAKER_00 18:53

We might do it as a two-parter. Okay. And then come back next week.

SPEAKER_03 18:56

We can do that.

SPEAKER_00 18:56

Do the next one.

Success Without The Price Tag

SPEAKER_00 18:58

Uh so success means finish the sentence. What does success mean?

SPEAKER_03 19:04

Success means to me, yeah, when you have uh fulfilled the purpose of the task, yeah. Be that task, cheer up a friend, or be that task something at work.

SPEAKER_00 19:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 19:21

Once it's completed and to the best of your ability, that's what success means to me. It means that I tried my hardest to rectify a situation, giving a hundred percent is a success to me, uh, not half-assing it basically. And success uh success is being rich in life, not necessarily rich in money.

SPEAKER_00 19:46

Near money, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 19:47

Um I would take my life now over not knowing anyone here and just having lots of money. Like I people around me, yeah. Kind, caring, supportive. Um that's what success looks like to me being surrounded by love. And that's a really long answer. No, no, no. That's that's what success means to me. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:13

Yeah. I I would agree.

SPEAKER_03 20:15

Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 20:16

I would agree, I would agree wholeheartedly with that. Yeah, I think success to me means just having a positive outcome of anything, really.

SPEAKER_03 20:22

I think a lot of people would turn to money, and I understand why people see money as success. I personally don't I prefer to have the people around me than have the success of money.

SPEAKER_00 20:32

Uh money's nice, but so your mum is watching, and I must admit, your mum watches a lot of.

SPEAKER_03 20:37

Every single one of these we're going, well up my nuts.

SPEAKER_00 20:39

Yeah. Your mum was watching this thing on Amazon Prime. Right. And she's she's into all the like the outdoorsy stuff, like outcast and outlast, and out in the wilderness, and out here and there and out that out out. Out out. Oh, out going out. Where you know, where people are dropped into the wilderness and they have to do it. But anyway, this this one particular programme she's been watching must admit I've kind of been looking at it and going, hmm, okay. And the premise is you've got this old couple, and they have lived in Alaska all their lives. He has built this house from nothing. He basically sat out, um, was it 57 years prior, whatever it was, or 37 years, I can't remember how long it was. And he set out and he walked into Alaska. No, walked for 57 miles.

SPEAKER_04 21:26

That's where the Oh my gosh, okay, right.

SPEAKER_00 21:28

And he basically claimed this land and was like, this is my land, this is where I'm gonna build my house. And he did it. He built his house, he built a yeah. This back then in Las claimed this land. He built everything from scratch. He basically lives off the land, completely lives off the land with everything.

SPEAKER_01 21:47

Good for him.

SPEAKER_00 21:48

Uh and he built built an airstrip, he built a lawn, built this house, built guest houses, built his own reservoir. He's done everything himself, completely self. So him and his wife have done this. He's too old now. And he can't maintain it. So he realized he's got to leave. Him and his wife got to leave and they've got to go kind of go back to civilization. So they've got these six couples to then come and then try out living in this area. And they do, but they're from the UK, and bearing in mind this is Alaska, and they've got bears and guns and things like that. So they're training, yeah, they're training them how to survive in the wilderness. And the ones who win inherit his property.

SPEAKER_03 22:24

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_00 22:26

Because he wants to give it to people who really want it.

SPEAKER_03 22:28

And can look after it. And can look after it. What a legend.

SPEAKER_00 22:32

Yeah. Yes. It's a really good. And you've got these people who How did he meet his wife? Uh I I can't remember. I didn't watch that bit. I don't remember.

SPEAKER_03 22:40

I just intrigued. Because if you live in the wilderness, I mean obviously you still socialise, I'm I'm sure, but I I'm just intrigued to know how he met his wife.

SPEAKER_00 22:47

But they yeah, but there's like yeah, it is it's so good, and but that that's the sort of thing, you know, he's he's done that to him, that's success. Yeah. He's he's not he's not got any loads of money.

SPEAKER_03 22:57

Looks like success to me.

SPEAKER_00 22:58

He's not got really any money. He lives in the world. He's rich in life.

SPEAKER_03 23:01

He's rich in life.

SPEAKER_00 23:02

He's got his own greenhouse, cooks and but builds his own food, goes out and shoots a bison every now and again, and then comes back and he's got food for each other.

SPEAKER_03 23:08

He he's the reason there's no buffalo in America.

SPEAKER_00 23:11

But that was the interesting thing. They said um they only need to kill one bison, and that gives two years worth of meat.

SPEAKER_03 23:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:17

Or years worth of meat for two people.

SPEAKER_03 23:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 23:20

So um having a lot of bison.

SPEAKER_00 23:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 23:24

Is it like a cow but like thicker?

SPEAKER_00 23:26

Uh yeah, kinda. I think it's part of the cow family, isn't it?

SPEAKER_03 23:29

I don't know. That's why I asked.

SPEAKER_00 23:30

Bison, I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 23:32

It feels cow like. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:33

Yeah. Um a cow is a domesticated bison.

SPEAKER_03 23:38

Umesticated buffalo.

Self Care, Boundaries, And Habits

SPEAKER_00 23:40

So the biggest lesson I've learned this year is Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 23:45

Uh the biggest lesson. Sorry. Yeah, yeah, sorry, sorry, yeah. I was I was distracted by really the biggest lesson I've learned this year is I need to look after myself better.

SPEAKER_00 23:57

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 23:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 23:59

I need to eat better.

SPEAKER_01 24:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 24:02

Or maybe I should just need to eat more frequently. Um I've had really bad appetite this year. I'm trying to do more fun things.

SPEAKER_01 24:12

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_03 24:13

Therapy. Yeah. I don't know. Just look after myself better. Both mentally and physically, and and and food. Yeah. Food. I need to eat. Uh yeah, yeah. Um, just need to look after myself better and say no to things when I know I can't do it.

SPEAKER_00 24:30

Oh, look at this. She's so cute.

SPEAKER_03 24:32

Yeah, you got a kiss. Did you give him a kiss? Oh. You're a good doggo. You're a good dog.

SPEAKER_00 24:40

Yeah. So I think the biggest lesson I've learned this year is that nobody knows what they're doing.

unknown 24:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 24:46

We're all just winging it.

SPEAKER_00 24:47

We're all just winging it. We're all just winging it. Um bit one bit is I'm um trust no one.

SPEAKER_03 24:53

Trust no one.

SPEAKER_00 24:54

Trust no one.

unknown 24:55

No dunno.

SPEAKER_00 24:56

Or don't believe anyone. Don't believe anybody until it's in writing. Yeah, you go.

SPEAKER_01 25:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 25:01

That's the biggest lesson I've learned. Don't believe nothing.

SPEAKER_01 25:04

Girl.

SPEAKER_00 25:04

Yeah. Hey boy. Superstar DJ. Here we go. That's the next one. Next one is a habit that changed my life is Learning to say no. Learning to say no.

SPEAKER_03 25:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 25:17

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 25:18

Sometimes I just want to say yes because I don't want to let people down or hurt their feelings. But I same with looking after myself. I need to say no to things if I know I'm not going to be well enough.

SPEAKER_00 25:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 25:30

And that's fine. And that is fine. And I think I just I'm just trying to accept. Good job, you found a ball. And I'm just trying to accept that. I think that sometimes I just need to say no and I can't do everything.

SPEAKER_00 25:40

Yeah. She needs to go from side to side. She's got the ball and she's now gone. She's she's burgered, don't we? Yeah, she is. They'll play fetch together. They will. Um, I think when you're looking at habits that change lives, I think my biggest habit that changed my life was smoking. I've skipped a question. That was the next question. I got so distracted by Ruby.

SPEAKER_03 26:03

I thought I just had a stroke. I was like, I moved on to the next question.

SPEAKER_04 26:10

I was like, I looked at you and I was like, did I just move? I'm like that's an impounding as well. Oh I did, huh? Just looking at you and I was like, sure that's not what you asked me.

SPEAKER_03 26:23

Remember what you asked me. So I was like, oh maybe it wasn't me. I immediately did you did you see someone commented on our video when when I said um I moved on to the next question? Um, would you rather you asked me, would you rather have luck or a good memory? And I was talking about luck so much and I said, What's the other one? Forgetting that it was memory. And someone commented that. Thank you, by the way, for that comment. I I did I did comment. Do you remember who it was? Uh I cannot. I I I didn't check their name. On on TikTok, it's it's a bit harder than Instagram because you can you your your username is you not your name. Yeah, yeah, I I forgot. I I don't know, but I did I did comment back and I said, Yeah, as I said, my memory is poor. Um yeah. Uh sorry, what was the what was the question before the biggest lesson I've learned this year? Oh yeah, biggest lesson, yeah, to say no.

SPEAKER_00 27:06

To say no.

SPEAKER_03 27:06

To say no for me, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 27:08

Yeah, and the biggest lesson I've learned is that no one knows what they're doing.

SPEAKER_03 27:10

Yes, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 27:10

No one knows what they're doing.

SPEAKER_03 27:11

So what's the habit question?

SPEAKER_00 27:12

So a habit that changed my life is mind smoking. Because that was a habit.

SPEAKER_03 27:17

Is still a habit, you still have a small thing. Still a habit. Still smoking, it's still a habit. A habit.

SPEAKER_00 27:22

I mean it could be a could be a positive habit as well, not just a negative habit. Have you got any habits?

SPEAKER_03 27:28

A habits that a habit that changed my life. I did start recording my pain levels daily. I know this sounds a bit random, but it's the first thing that came to my head. Um, but I found that that depressed me so much that I've stopped recording.

SPEAKER_01 27:45

Yeah, don't do that.

SPEAKER_03 27:46

Because every time I looked at it, I just thought every single day is a red mark that I'm in pain, and it made it more depressing, which is annoying because when the doctors when you go to the doctors are like, oh, you know how many times a week are you? I'm I'm in pain all the time. Like there's not there's nothing I can do. I've tried recording it for so long. I've tried recording my mood, I've tried recording pain, blah, blah. All of these things that I I thought were good habits ended up not being a good habit. So I guess it did change my life because it made my outlook on my illness way worse than it was.

SPEAKER_01 28:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 28:16

And yeah, so I guess uh now that I've not now that I've dropped that habit, my life has improved.

SPEAKER_00 28:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 28:25

She just wants kisses and smells.

SPEAKER_00 28:27

No, she just wants some love. She just wants some kiss.

SPEAKER_03 28:30

Uh so please finish the podcast. I want to.

SPEAKER_00 28:32

No, she wants to go outside and play.

SPEAKER_03 28:33

Come on, Ruby. The door is open. I left it open.

Motivation Rituals And Hyperfocus

SPEAKER_03 28:36

Uh so when I need motivation, I I am a very, very motivated, self-driven person. When when I think about what I need to motivate myself on, for example, when I come to write the books that I'm writing, yeah. My motivation comes from research and like into Greek mythology and stuff like that. Like I take a lot of the tales from there and I I'm adapt them and make them modern. So I guess I guess what motivates me to do that is just the idea of potentially becoming a full-time author as opposed to having a job. Like that motivates me enough. I it's not that I hate my job so much that I want this alternative, I just prefer this. Like it's way more fun, it's got way more freedom around my uh medical schedule, etc. So for me, um, that's where I want to be. So that's what I'm motivated for, and I think I'm just quite self-driven generally.

SPEAKER_01 29:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 29:36

I I'm not very good at procrastinating, like I've never really procrastinated that much. Generally speaking, I don't sit there twiddling my thumbs, I'll the laptop will be open and I'll be typing away. So you know, um, yeah. So I don't know how else to I'm just very self-motivated person. I've I've I don't my motivation is my self-drive, I guess.

SPEAKER_00 30:00

Yeah. I have a tendency to take a little bit of time to get started, but when I do, that's it.

SPEAKER_03 30:08

You are someone that has hyper focus, and I think I'm the same as well. Um when I'm stuck into something, I'm stuck in. I don't have any problems getting into it actually. Um, but I've been thinking recently about taking up crochet again because um I found like all my wool in the in the garage and I was like, oh, do you know what? I could start because I know how to do it. And immediately I was looking at patterns and stuff. Like, yeah, I just I just I think I just get a like a hobby in my head and I'm like, oh yeah, I'd love to do that. And I can read and crochet at the same time. Like, that's that's freaking cool.

SPEAKER_00 30:37

Do you know one thing I do I have noticed that I can do to get me motivated? So say say for instance, like today, right? We will we'll do these podcasts, we'll do the do the recording. I will then go upstairs this afternoon and I will basically mix and do the videos and that. But once I start, don't disturb me. I will just get it all done. But I'll guarantee what'll happen is is I'll go, oh, I can't be bothered to do it this afternoon. I'll do it next week. I'll sit there and then I trick myself, and I know I do this, and it's weird why I do this, why I don't just go upstairs and start doing it. It's almost like a weird little ritual that I go through. Is I'll look for something on telly that I haven't seen before.

SPEAKER_03 31:14

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 31:15

Right? And like a series, and it might be like six seasons or something like that, and I will start watching it. And in my mind, my mind will be going, You're now about to get into a brand new series, and you're gonna be concentrating on all of that, and you're gonna waste your day doing this when you should really be upstairs doing it. Why don't you? And then I realise, then my mind goes, You're not even watching what is on telly because what you're doing is you're thinking in your head, you need to be doing the other thing, so you need to you know stop watching this, and then I will stop watching it and go upstairs and do it. It's weird. I do it all the time. It's like I trick my brain into kind of like this little motivation kind of thing. But then once I start, don't disturb me, leave me alone. I think as well, I think because at work I can't focus on one thing, I have to be doing lots of focused on lots of things that are happening. Yeah, when it comes to home, I have to be, I can't be doing 30 things at once. I think I need to be the one.

SPEAKER_03 32:16

I think that's why I think I'm exactly the same as you. Because yeah, at work, I'm a project manager, I have several projects. I know we've got different roles, but in in in its entirety, yours is a lot more sensitive as well. But mine, I've got all of these projects. When I'm when I'm at home and I get off my computer, I think, oh my gosh, I'm gonna one, I'm gonna focus on one thing. That's it, yeah. I'm gonna hoover the whole house. Yeah. And I'm like, right, cool, I'll do that. Oh, I'm gonna write. So I'm hyper focused on write. And Mitchell has to like punch me in the arm to be like, uh, hi, I'm here, by the way. Like it's it's it's it's yeah, um, I I totally get that.

SPEAKER_00 32:53

This is totally sound awful now. Go on, and I've got to be careful how I say this, I don't want this to come out wrong. Your mum said to me yesterday, right? We were sitting on the because she got home quite late. By the time she finished work and everything else, it's quite late. And she turned to me and she went, Are you lonely when I'm not here? Like because he's not there a lot. And it was like, Yeah, but at the same time, it goes quick because I'm doing this other stuff, so it's like no, it was like it's like like when you are here, I feel like I can't do you know what I mean? It was like, but just yeah, just crack on with it.

SPEAKER_03 33:27

I think when Mitchell goes away, like on a uh when I know he's away in in London, um I do miss him a lot.

SPEAKER_00 33:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 33:38

When he's when he's around and I'm doing something else, not so much because I know he's always in the house somewhere.

SPEAKER_02 33:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 33:43

It's kind of almost like when when they're gone, gone, I tend to find myself thinking about them more, like he's going away next weekend, for example. Um yeah. I think I think it comes down to guess where they are. And if you know they're coming home soon, like I'll I do sometimes clockwatch. I'm like, oh, we should be around like eight, so I'll clockwatch. But more more for his well-being. Um more like, oh, if he's past eight, I'll be like, oh, that's weird. Like uh I'll look on the map and I'll be like, oh, he's 20 minutes away rather than at eight o'clock. Yeah, there's like a like a hint of worry, I guess. It's where my thoughts come from, I guess, with that. But yeah, no, um she's so adorable.

SPEAKER_00 34:22

She's got the sweetest face, she really has.

SPEAKER_03 34:24

You have a cute face. Yeah. You have such a cute face.

SPEAKER_00 34:27

Um so yeah, so that's what I do. I kind of I kind of trick my brain into like into into this weird motivation thing.

SPEAKER_03 34:33

Next one?

Communication, Sarcasm, And Trauma

SPEAKER_00 34:34

The next one, should we do one more? Yeah. One more? And then was this will be a two-parter. Yeah. Um, the most underrated skill someone can have is underrated skill. Underrated skill.

SPEAKER_03 34:47

Uh communication.

SPEAKER_00 34:49

A hundred percent.

SPEAKER_03 34:50

I'm not the best at communicating because I can't I've I I'm having this trouble now. I know what intellectually I would like to come out of my mouth, but I cannot always express with the vocabulary that I have to my knowledge to explain what I mean. And it takes me quite a lot of time to formulate those thoughts and feelings. Yeah. There is a very famous freestyle skier. I can't remember her name, and that's really annoying. And she is the most articulate, most pensive person I have ever encountered in a online or in a thing. And there was a lady who um asked her a question. She went, Oh, I don't want this to come out rude, but do you think before you speak? Because everything that comes out of her mouth is so well articulated.

SPEAKER_02 35:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 35:48

Um, and she explains it. And the and and once you realize that that person asking that question and that person's answer back, you realise why she asked that question in the first place.

SPEAKER_02 35:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 35:59

And I think communication is so important, and not to be cliche, but in a relationship specifically, communication is so important. I like to think that we're pretty good at it. Um, obviously, still have arguments. Everyone does, yeah. But we never sleep on an argument. You know, we never, we never go to bed uh angry with each other. We resolve it in the moment. Sorry, I was a bit shit. This is why I was a bit shit. It was this work thing, and I took it out on you. Basically, that's kind of normally, normally the normally that's what it is. Or I'm a little bit worried about money at the moment, blah blah blah blah. And and you explain that. I think people might think that's over-explaining. I disagree. I think them knowing why you were upset in that moment, even if it wasn't their fault, is is good enough reason to express how you're feeling.

SPEAKER_02 36:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 36:47

I don't think people get enough credit for that. I don't think people get enough credit for communicating well. I wish in a million times over that I could communicate myself and express myself better free communication. I just don't always have the foresight. I don't have the I I I people people fascinate me because they they think of what they want to say so quickly and it comes so naturally and so quickly to them. To me, it doesn't. That's why I um and are so much, is because I can't think of the next thing that I want to say quick enough.

SPEAKER_02 37:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 37:21

And I'm worried that people and I think that's why sometimes I stutter over words, because it's almost like my brain is stuttering. I'm buffering, I'm buffering up here. Like I don't, I don't always communicate myself very well. And I think people don't get enough credit for those that can communicate, those who who speak in front of people. I don't have any problem with that from a fear level. I just don't know what to say. Sometimes when I start this podcast episode, I my mind is blank.

SPEAKER_01 37:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 37:47

You know, I I I I don't think people get enough credit for how well they can communicate. And uh that does go to politicians and that does go to world leaders because uh amazing reading and autoc, actors, every every person that has a role in that communication side of things. I am much better over text. I'm so much better over email.

SPEAKER_00 38:05

I I don't like it.

SPEAKER_03 38:07

I can formulate myself better.

SPEAKER_00 38:08

Yeah, because I yeah, I get that. And I but the thing is because I know you, I know when you're being sarcastic as well. I can hear the tone, because this is the thing with communication. Only 20% of what of communication is the verb, is is the spoken word. The rest of it is body language, it's tone, it's they're the other part.

SPEAKER_03 38:27

I'm not gifted in n understanding body language, and that's why I take words at face value, is that I don't always see that hidden language. Yeah. And I think honestly, it probably is autism because because there is something in in me that you know, from from the general general what's the word? Um what's the word? See, I can't even think of the next word. Like, like from a general point of view of the definition of autism, that's the word I was looking for. The definition of autism, I I I really probably am further on the spectrum than most because everyone's on the spectrum somewhere. Everyone's on the spectrum somewhere, but I think I'm on it a little bit more than most because I I I cannot pick up on that communication. Or maybe, maybe I'm not autistic and maybe I'm just really rubbish at that skill. I'm not really sure, but I I really struggle, particularly with sarcasm is one of the biggest ones. If I know someone well enough, uh I understand. If I don't see someone and they're a bit sarcastic, I'm like, oh, they're really mean. Like I would immediately be like, cool, that was a bit harsh.

SPEAKER_00 39:26

Well, um with me, so there's I'm gonna confess something now. So you said in the previous episode, you said one of the things that you liked about me was the fact of my emotional intelligence. It's because I can read people's body language. Yeah, you're I think you're incredibly good at it, and I it's a skill I wish I I wish I picked up from you, but it's I I read not what is being not just what is being said, but what's not being said, yeah. The way people are saying it. I can pick up on different eye movements, the way the mouth goes, the way they flick and a shoulder goes.

SPEAKER_03 39:57

You would have been a great psychologist.

SPEAKER_00 39:58

I can see, I can see those little micro kind of expressions, and I read on them, but there's a reason, there is a reason for that, and it's quite dark. Uh the reason why I can do that, and there is a trauma response. Yeah, it's from childhood trauma. And that's why I can read people's body language and read the tone.

SPEAKER_03 40:16

And maybe that's why I can't.

SPEAKER_00 40:18

Yeah, exactly. So I can kind of yeah, I can that's one of the things that I can do very, very, very well in in that kind of communication sphere, which is why if I'm talking to somebody, also this is something that and I didn't realise I did this until someone until your mum mentioned it to me. Because look look at look what I I am quite you people would think I'm extroverted. Sing in a band, I act, you're an introverted extrovert. I'm well, my personality type is INFJ.

SPEAKER_03 40:48

Yeah, you are NFJ.

SPEAKER_00 40:50

Yeah, I'm an Someone said when they first met me, they thought I was quiet, right? And then it's a lot of people. I know. It says, Oh, he doesn't say a lot, does he? Not when I first meet people.

SPEAKER_03 41:02

That's when you're assessing and analysing.

SPEAKER_00 41:04

I'm assessing and I am analysing.

SPEAKER_03 41:06

Whereas I'm the complete opposite. I'm like, right, hi, who are you? Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_04 41:10

I'm very extroverted.

SPEAKER_00 41:11

I am, you know, I I've been in meetings before, even even at work, with somebody who might be new, and there'll be a whole group of people in there. And normally I'm quite kind of da da da. And I don't say a word. Because I'm sussing them out.

SPEAKER_04 41:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 41:25

And it's not in not in a bad way. No, no, no. I'm just right, what's their motivation? What do they want? What do they want? You know, where where are they going? What's their insight? What's their outlook? And I'm then looking to see how I can help them or whatever. So yeah, that that's that's me with community. I I suss things out before I communicate.

SPEAKER_03 41:45

I think a lot of people, going back to like one of the further questions about um what's what's someone uh what was it, uh, uh assumptions about me when I said I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 41:56

I think people always get strong about me.

SPEAKER_03 41:58

Yeah, I a lot of people call me sensitive. A lot of people do, and I do understand what they're saying. I I think I'm sensitive because I don't understand the body language that's being communicated, and uh it sometimes that upsets me. Now it's not something I d if if someone said anything about me the way I look, I don't I genuinely do not give a shit now. Like yeah, as a teenager, when you're when you were at the teens, teens in school and stuff, I was. But not now. I don't give a flying toss.

SPEAKER_00 42:29

But Oh, I thought I was gonna have to hit a button.

SPEAKER_03 42:32

No, I don't give a flying toss. But um I am sensitive when it comes to people being mean to others. Yeah, that's when I'm more likely to be like, I do not like this person, and then but normally that's because I've misunderstood the sarcasm. So it's it's it's it's a cross to bear a little bit because I don't always know what's going on.

SPEAKER_00 42:54

See, that's the thing is if I'm sarcastic and I that's when people know what they're really comfortable with me because I know how far I can go in that and what the the type of jokes that I can do and and not get away with, and get away with is the wrong thing, but just yeah.

SPEAKER_03 43:11

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 43:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 43:13

Jokes between friends is is fine.

SPEAKER_00 43:15

Yeah. I think we should make that the last one. Okay. And then we should make this a two-parter, and we should continue this in two weeks' time. Oh well, two weeks for us. Two weeks for us, a week for you.

Outro And Where To Listen

SPEAKER_00 43:24

A week for you.

SPEAKER_03 43:24

Well, if you enjoyed this episode of Bonus Dad, Bonus Daughter, we are here every single week, every single Thursday, unless we've forgotten to do something or there's a technical hitch. But otherwise, every single Thursday. And um, we love you and um here are the outro. Thanks for joining us on Bonus Dad Bonus Daughter. Don't forget to follow us on all our socials and share the podcast with someone who'd love it. We are available on all streaming platforms. See you next time. Bye-bye.