Bonus Dad Bonus Daughter
Welcome to "Bonus Dad, Bonus Daughter," a heartwarming and insightful podcast celebrating the unique bond between a stepfather Davey, and his stepdaughter Hannah.
Join them as they explore the joys, challenges, and everyday moments that make this relationship special.
Each episode they take a topic and discuss the differences, similarities and the effect each one had one them
Featuring candid conversations, personal stories, and many laughs
Whether you're a step-parent, stepchild, or simply interested in family dynamics, "Bonus Dad, Bonus Daughter" offers a fresh perspective on love, family, and the bonds that unite us.
Bonus Dad Bonus Daughter
Women's Health: Seeking Diagnosis in a Dismissive System
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Hannah shares her five-year journey seeking diagnosis for a chronic pain condition, highlighting the gender health gap and systemic dismissal of women's pain in healthcare. Through multiple treatments including surgery and medically induced menopause, she discusses how chronic illness has transformed her life, from using walking aids at 28 to finding community with others experiencing similar struggles.
• Women weren't required to be in clinical trials until 1993, just three years before Hannah was born
• Women experience nearly double the rate of adverse drug reactions compared to men, yet dosages remain the same
• Hannah waited 56 weeks to see an NHS gynaecologist and was told "having a baby would fix it" despite not wanting children
• Hannah experienced medically-induced menopause at age 26 which has had lasting effects on her body
• Living with undiagnosed chronic pain affects mental health, causing Hannah to question if the pain is "all in her head"
• Hannah founded an Instagram community called "Painfully Me" for people with undiagnosed conditions
• Medical cannabis has helped manage Hannah's pain with fewer side effects than opiates, though stigma remains
• Doctors suspect endometriosis, which affects 1 in 10 women and takes an average of 6.6 years to diagnose
If you're suffering with chronic pain or an undiagnosed condition, know that you're not alone. You're not being dramatic, you're not imagining it, and you deserve better. Five years is too long to wait for answers.
Hello and welcome to Bonus Dad. Bonus Daughter a special father-daughter podcast with me Hannah and me, davy, where we discuss our differences, similarities, share a few laughs and stories. Within our ever-changing and complex world, Each week we will discuss a topic from our own point of view and influences throughout the decades or you could choose one by contacting us via email, instagram, facebook or TikTok links in bio.
Speaker 2:Hello and welcome to another episode of Bonus Dad, bonus Daughter. Here we are again.
Speaker 1:We are indeed In the sun, still sunny.
Speaker 2:Still sunny.
Speaker 1:It's still sunny. In fact, you've actually drawn the blinds down because it is so sunny.
Speaker 2:It's so sunny that we're getting too much glare, and the whole reason I'm not wearing glasses is because of the glare as well.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Crazy.
Speaker 1:I know and yeah, I've still, I still have shorts on.
Speaker 2:Yeah, please don't make another five seconds of summer joke. I, I had a feeling it was like brewing no, no, that was in the last episode.
Speaker 1:I'm uh, I won't do that, I won't do that, okay.
Speaker 2:Um, so this episode is it's it's gonna be a bit more of a serious one yeah, we don't generally do kind of heavy episodes.
Speaker 1:Uh, we kind of. Well, we'll see how it goes. We'll see how it goes, uh, because we like to keep things very kind of light-hearted, and but there is something that obviously I mentioned in one of the other episodes that maybe we should do this episode yeah, we've mentioned it a few times and it's not really a secret, I guess.
Speaker 2:But we're going to be talking about women's health today. It's a really serious matter and something that obviously personally concerns me and that's why I feel qualified enough to I don't know, I guess talk about this topic in a heavier sense because it directly affects me. So it's been nearly five years now for me trying to find a diagnosis for a chronic pain disorder, essentially. So I get Bain in my abdomen and essentially, yeah, I've been dealing with that for five years and trying to find out what's causing it and I'm tired and done and I think it's worth talking about, because there are lots of women out there who are in the same boat as me and it's incredible that we have to wait so long to just get answers for something that if we were a man and that's not being feminist, but if we were a white man, we would be seen and treated a lot differently, I believe, if we weren't.
Speaker 2:And the whole reason I'm saying that is because, um, medical research generally is very male focused and that is the reason being because historically men have been doctors, men, white men particularly uh, educated people. Women weren't even allowed to be educated at some stage and then, regardless of that, especially in the health field, so, um, until obviously, nurses become a bit more apparent after the war. But, uh, but yes, and that's the reason, a lot of health and a lot of everything that we know about the body, the mind, everything like that is pretty much male focused. So, yeah, so half the population, uh, do not have a very good medical background information at all, which is crazy, isn't it?
Speaker 1:yeah, so this episode I will. Mostly I won't be doing too much talking, because this is not something that I'm really qualified to talk about.
Speaker 2:Well, I don't feel qualified either.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I know, I know, but I think it's fair to say but from an outsider looking in, I have seen the pain that you've been through, yeah, and seen the frustration been through, yeah, and seen the frustration, not because it's because, yeah, I've felt your frustration, your anger, your how upset you've been and how just how much pain you have been in and, as your dad, I find it incredibly awful that I can't help yeah because if I could take that pain away and I had the pain, I would do it in in an instant.
Speaker 1:but I can't. And to see you and to hear you go through what you go through on a daily basis is absolutely heartbreaking, and I know your husband feels the same as well because he would do exactly the same.
Speaker 2:I think that's a really good point to bring up. To be honest, like it's this, this episode's not all about me, because at the end of the day, you know it, not my condition doesn't just affect me. It affects my family, affects my husband more, because he's the one that's that's caring for me. Um, on the bad days, and I think that's, you know, that's a really important thing to bring up is the fact that it's not just the person that is suffering with the condition that it affects. It affects everyone around them as well, and that includes employers, friends, family and also healthcare professionals as well. So, yeah, it affects not just me.
Speaker 1:although it's me that's suffering with it, it doesn't just affect me, yeah, but then you feel bad as well, because it is affecting everybody else. Oh I feel guilty.
Speaker 2:I feel guilty because I feel like I'm a burden to everyone else. Which you're not which I know.
Speaker 1:I know You're not, you know that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, I do know that, but I also don't know that. You know, it's that kind of weird thing. So this one's going to be yeah, so this episode's going to be quite deep. If this is triggering for anyone in particular, this is what we're going to be talking about episodes.
Speaker 1:We don't go into many heavy ones.
Speaker 2:So just move along, it's absolutely fine. We're not going to hate you for this one. So, yeah, if this is a bit too sensitive or if this is a trigger warning, we will be talking about women's health in all walks and all forms, and my story also has some triggering issues as well. So, yeah, feel free to skip this one, but if you have wanted to remain and want to listen to us talk about women's health, we're going to carry on. So there's a massive gender health gap, which I've just kind of described, between men and women. Again, this is not a feminist issue. This is just a fact. It just is what it is Society's issue. It's a society issue.
Speaker 2:So women weren't even required to be part of US clinical trials until 1993. I was born in 1996, so only three years before I was born, and I'm still considered pretty young. As recently as 2019, women made up only 40% of participants in clinical trials for major diseases, despite being over half the population are women. Only 24.6% of these studies between 2015 and 2019 had balanced female and male participation and 70% enrolled mostly men. Again, 80% of animal studies use male animals as well. Women experience nearly double the rate of adverse drug reactions compared to men. That is just another fact. And many drugs 76 out of 86 in one study work differently in women than they do in men, and yet the dosage remains the same. Okay, can we just go back?
Speaker 1:a little bit on some of those. Let's backtrack and just look at, look at some of these. Just would you be able I know we just said them, but for the video would would you mind, when you, when you edit the video, to maybe flash those statistics up as well?
Speaker 2:I think I can do that.
Speaker 1:You could do that, I think I can do that yeah but so this um 80 of animal studies. You use male animals, but you even for these diseases more common in women, yeah, yeah, so that in itself is just you've got I. I would imagine I'm not a pharmacist or a chemist, biologist, but I would imagine your data would be off on that.
Speaker 2:Well, you would have thought yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, your data's kind of skewed there. Yeah, okay, so many drugs 76 out of 86 in one study work differently in women.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but the dosage isn't adjusted.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but the dosage isn't adjusted, yeah, but the dosage isn't adjusted.
Speaker 2:So men generally are likely to be taller, stronger, more muscle mass, whereas women tend to be smaller, more fat mass than anything than compared to our male counterparts. And yet the dosage is never really adjusted. So when women have adverse or hysterical reactions to drugs, compared to men, it's seen as hysterical or normal or this, because there is no testing for the women's side. So of course they're being told that they're being hysterical or they're being whatever they're being. This is also a really massive case. I won't go into it, but this is a massive case of antidepressants as well. When women are given antidepressants, compared again to their male counterparts, the dosage isn't adjusted, it is one dose for all and that kind of biologically doesn't really make a lot of sense. We have different hormones. We have estrogen and progesterone. You're more likely to have testosterone. So yeah, and we're talking sorry, biological male, female as well here. We won't really go into the gender debate as such but um biologically male and female.
Speaker 2:Yeah, they're the differences that we're talking about. So, yeah, crazy yeah, it's crazy, it's crazy yeah.
Speaker 1:So uh, just just going over some of these kind of just looking at some of these stats here. So yeah, clinical trials until 19 until 1993 is just yeah that's 93, only three years before I was born, that's all clinical trials yeah okay never included a female yeah
Speaker 2:okay yeah, okay, I'm going to talk a little bit about me for a little bit um, and just kind of go over my story. Um, I wanted to just kind of preface those random facts first, about health in general. We'll go into a little bit more granular about women's health now. So my journey I will try and bullet point this as much as I possibly can, but basically, in May 2020, I experienced a sudden excruciating stomach pain, caused me to vomit and collapse at work. I had an emergency test done straight away, even though it was in the height of the pandemic, made this very isolating, very scary, but I had an emergency test. So I basically had an STI test, a pregnancy test. Then I had an emergency ultrasound and everything came back normal. I wasn't pregnant, didn't have any STIs, and also in the ultrasound I had no evidence of a miscarriage or ectopic pregnancy either, which is great news. But what I had experienced at that time they had equated to a miscarriage. That is what they believed I thought I had.
Speaker 2:So in terms of scale of, I guess, putting it into context, that's kind of what happened, but they didn't find actually any evidence of that once they had the ultrasound.
Speaker 1:So in May 2020, sorry, Hannah May 2020. So how old were you at the time? So?
Speaker 2:May 2020, five years ago, actually almost to the day which is crazy, so sorry. I'm 28 now, so that would be, I was 23.
Speaker 1:23 years old yeah.
Speaker 2:So I was quite young, by the September I was told this was just painful periods. So this was May. I thought that was kind of just a one-off really bad period. So by the September they were just like oh no, these are just bad periods because all your test results have come back normal. I had a blood test and everything as well. By the December of that same year my symptoms kind of just worsened. I was getting pain at ovulation and my period and every single period I was dreading because I was vomiting, diarrhea, all the works. I basically had a stomach bug. Every time I had a period which was a bit shit.
Speaker 1:Literally.
Speaker 2:Fast forward a little bit. I waited 56 weeks to see an NHS gynaecologist, so just to put that into context, that is well over a year. I was offered the contraceptive pill, even though I'd been on it already. I was also offered the combination pill and the mini pill, which are two different types of contraceptive pills, which I did as well and had no effect on the pain or anything like that. Then I also had an attempted coil fitting, which is an IUD device which is inserted straight into the cervix, but unfortunately they were unable to successfully input that.
Speaker 2:I was in too much pain. Then I had some surgery. It was diagnostic surgery. It's a laparoscopy in 2022. So this is two years after, again almost to the day two years after I started experiencing these symptoms. So, again waited two years for these diagnostic tests. They showed no abnormalities. I was told simply that having a baby would fix it, and not to go into the debate that much, but me and my husband have sort of chosen not to have children, particularly at this stage and maybe never as well, so this was not something that was an option for me. I wasn't going to have a baby just to stop my pain.
Speaker 1:For a small period of time.
Speaker 2:For a small period of time, that felt, period of time that felt very selfish to me. Just to have a baby, just to better my quality of life, would not give a very good quality of life to a baby that we necessarily didn't want. So yeah, I don't know how else to word that. That sounded very blunt and very horrible. But that is just our view.
Speaker 1:I think you know, I think in this, with things, I think you, this is your experience. Yeah, this is you, and if you, I think bluntness isn't, shouldn't be an issue here, because this is, I'll carry on. Yeah, I just want to kind of just say that you know, so this is not, you know, anyone else's experience. What you're talking about now is you your mindset and and I think it's fair for you to be blunt, to be blunt, to be blunt, yeah.
Speaker 2:In 2023,. I had a medically induced menopause. It was a reversible one. Essentially, they were administered by nasal spray. Some women go through these. They call them Zolidex injections, but basically they're an injection where almost like a grain of rice is placed into your tummy, and that's a reversible menopause as well. But I decided to have the nasal spray because I'm absolutely terrified of needles, so this was a good alternative. It's your fault, so I had the nasal spray. The nasal spray I had to administer every single day made my nose itchy and hurt, but that wasn't the the bad part. The bad part was the fact that I went through the menopause uh, so in 2023. So that makes that's two years back from now. So what that makes me. So I went through the menopause at 26 was that two years ago?
Speaker 2:yeah, crazy isn't it?
Speaker 1:honestly, it seems like and I would have thought that you just said like six months ago, when, when, no and my body still isn't right really from it like it's.
Speaker 2:I've reg, regained, my periods have come back and everything in full force as they are, but nothing else. My skin, particularly, has been very spotty ever since. My nails have been very brittle ever since as well, so it definitely has changed something in my body to cause these things. I find my hair coming out more and breaking more, but I don't know if that's again age related, hormonal related, or whether it was menopause. I can't. I can't strictly say, but my nails definitely were a lot stronger before I ever went on the menopause, which I guess, as a symptom, is. It's not that bad in the grand scheme, but it's annoying. It's annoying when I want nice nails.
Speaker 2:I also, in 2023, had an MRI and they found a four centimetre physiological cyst on my right ovary. Physiological cyst is a cyst that comes up and goes down with your periods. It can be associated with ovulation. Four centimetres is about a golf ball, just in case anyone needed that for reference. But by the time I'd had an ultrasound a couple of weeks later, the cyst had gone, so they confirmed that it was physiological. So it was going up and down as my periods came and went. I actually requested a hysterectomy at the age of that was last year, so I was 27, 28, 27,. But I was denied. The reason being I was denied was because I'm too young. Essentially, they don't want to do a risky surgery like that for someone that hasn't had children, regardless of my choice of whether to be child free or not and they said they wouldn't really entertain that until I was 32 to 35.
Speaker 1:So another five years ago.
Speaker 2:Yep, another five years to go feeling like this. But there was a bit of a turning point in my story Now after all of this and I don't know why this wasn't recommended to me sooner or not addressed sooner. But this is kind of where the problem of women's health care comes into place is that they were so focused on trying to diagnose me they weren't really thinking about my quality of life through this diagnostic process. So I didn't really hit much of a curveball until I started seeing a pain management specialist, again through the NHS, through my GP, and she was awesome. So we tried a variety of drugs.
Speaker 2:I'm on a cocktail of things and we've now sort of found one that makes my daily life fairly livable, with the odd caveat that on my period or ovulation or just when I'm having a bad flare up, I'm still bed bound, still get really poorly, still vomiting on my periods and things like that. So while it has had a huge effect on my quality of life day to day, it still hasn't really solved the issue and kind of because of everything I've gone through for the past five years I had to change my career, I had to adapt my house a little bit, I've now moved my office upstairs so that I'm close to the toilet. I've had to spend more money on healthcare private healthcare just to be able to get some more answers a little bit quicker than the NHS Prescriptions, walking aids now that I'm having to use on the bad days and going around and if I'm standing in the queue for our roller coasters and stuff. I've had to adapt my social commitments.
Speaker 2:I don't sing anymore in terms of with one person anymore. I don't sing anymore in terms of with one person anymore. I don't sing in a band because I feel like I can't commit to that. If I'm poorly, I can't get to a gig or something like that. I've had to drop quite a few hobbies as well, like I used to climb a lot of the time, but now, because my stomach is the main issue, my abdomen I don't have the core strength anymore to lift myself up a wall. So yeah, and last one is an automatic car. Not that it's an issue, but just had to change the car as well.
Speaker 2:Just little things that you would never think about. Some things I haven't written on here, but just come to mind. Like I've had to change my wardrobe a little bit because I needed to have clothes that had extra room for when I was bloating, uh, and things like that. So it really changes your life like I didn't think. I think five years ago I would never have expected myself to be with a walking stick no, especially at the age of 28.
Speaker 1:The first, the first time I saw you with a walking stick, it was yeah yeah, it's, it's, it's crazy, like it's, it's not something.
Speaker 2:And I remember when I first got the walking stick, I was like I'm just going to use around the house that was my main thing, just so I could get to the toilet um, because I live in a three-story house so it's not not that great for me, but I wasn't ill when we moved in here. So, yeah, getting up and down the stairs with a stick, walking around the house, and now I use it a little bit more out and about. I'm still quite nervous about using it, but I still use it out and about as well. So, yeah, weird, never, never expected at 28 to be using a walking stick. No, but there we are.
Speaker 2:Just a little bit about my symptoms. I've mentioned, mentioned a few, but the abdominal pain it's pain in my abdomen radiates down to my knees, although last night it was radiating down to my foot, which was really weird. I've never had that before. So it's normally like from my tummy to my knees and then all the way back up to my lower back. So basically, from the belly button down is the problems, belly button up, toasty, I've got a healthy belly button up body.
Speaker 2:I'm just putting it out there the fatigue massive, massive issue for me. I've recently kind of had to stop running because I haven't been able to have the energy, maybe a lack of motivation there as well. I've just been so tired and fatigued all the time. It's crazy Nausea, I've mentioned loose stools, lower back pain, painful sex, mood swings, tearfulness, irritability. And another one that I really struggle with is brain fog. Particularly on this podcast, there are some times where Davey has to step in, or I've noticed that he's stepping in because I'm stumbling over a word, because I simply cannot think of it, which is fine, but it's not fine because I get the brain fog. For me, I think, is one of the weirdest symptoms, because I feel as though I'm quite a person that can articulate my words quite well and when I can't, I think that really frustrates me and I really struggle to get it out, and I think that's what upsets me a lot of the time is when I want to communicate something, but I feel like I just can't get the word.
Speaker 1:But then you get angry with yourself.
Speaker 2:Not angry with yourself, but you get frustrated with yourself as well, which makes it worse yeah, I'm so annoyed at myself, I get so frustrated and I'm like, oh, freaking, fill the word in for me. Like you know what I'm trying to say. But, um, you know, my husband has the patience and he knows sometimes what I'm trying to say, but he sometimes doesn't and just gives me the space to be able to. It doesn't rush me. He just, you know, gives me the space to kind of, yeah, I get that word out that I need to. So, yeah, that's a really annoying one. And then, as we've sort of mentioned, like you know, my husband had to become kind of a carer at 25. Like that's crazy, you know, for his 24 year old wife, like that's just something that you don't expect as a young person. As I said, intimacy is quite painful in terms of relationships. And then, of course, it's like cancelling on family and friends, and I don't think we've had to cancel podcast recording actually.
Speaker 1:No, we haven't.
Speaker 2:We've been quite lucky, but I have laid on the studio floor a couple of times, like in the old studio. I remember laying on the floor a couple of times just waiting for the pain to pass. I've pulled over on the side of the road very recently actually, naturally, um, just because I couldn't drive anymore, like I didn't feel well enough to drive, and just little shitty things like that that you don't ever really think about you don't.
Speaker 1:It's just things that you, you know, we, that the rest you know we would take for granted yeah just the little things that you, that you just do, you wouldn't even think about them, yeah, suddenly become become like almost impossible tasks a barrier, yeah, yeah, it's made me really think about disability a lot like.
Speaker 2:It's really made me realize how much I took for granted, um, and I don't think you ever truly can empathize until you're in that position you don't know what you've got until it's gone absolutely, absolutely.
Speaker 2:Yeah, couldn't put it better myself. So basically, the doctors think I have endometriosis, but I have no evidence of it. Endometriosis is something that affects one in 10 women. It takes an average of 6.6 years to get a diagnosis. How mad is that? So basically, what you're saying is I should have only a year and a half to go yeah, essentially, essentially yeah there is no cure for endometriosis.
Speaker 2:It can affect fertility digestion and cause chronic pain. Endometriosis is a full body condition. A lot of people think it's just period related, but it's not. It's a full body inflammatory disease, which is really poo. Yeah, could I quickly talk about the mental health side, but I think there's something else isn't there.
Speaker 1:You've kind of missed that line there where people and I think this is a really key one- oh, because I don't know why I missed that one.
Speaker 2:This is one.
Speaker 1:This is one of the ones, where would you would get upset the most? Well, I you. You would tell me you were upset, yes, about, and that is the fact that people didn't believe you, about your pain yeah, I think and you used to really. I mean, I don't know if you still do, but I remember those times where you used to get so upset the fact that you didn't. You thought people weren't believing you when what you were going through yeah, I, I still feel that now a little bit.
Speaker 2:I think that's what I wanted to touch on the mental health side yeah is that it's?
Speaker 2:it's so strange having something in your body that you can't really explain or really there's no evidence of. They just have to take your word for it that it's happening and that thing is happening inside your body. There's nothing really to show of it and yet you now need to convince not only your family, your friends, your health professionals, because they don't believe you either. And I think I went through a stage of shit. Have I? Am I ill and is this all in my head? Am I, am I, is this pain in my head and I'm mentally unwell and I'm? Am I ill? Is this all in my head? Is this pain in my head and I'm mentally unwell?
Speaker 2:Am I not knowingly doing this for attention? Am I not knowingly actually in pain? Is there something else psychologically wrong with me? Is it the hormones? Is it this? Is it that? Because you just don't know when you're undiagnagnosed, you just don't know what it is or what what's happening, and it's really hard to communicate that with people because you think they just think I'm making this up. Oh, she's got a walking stick now. Like you know, it's that thing yeah, does she, she doesn't look disabled, which I think.
Speaker 2:no one has ever explicitly told me that, and I have to say I obviously have surrounded myself with very nice people. But there is a point where I'm just like I wonder if people see me with that stick and think, oh, she doesn't look disabled, she's just getting the blue badge.
Speaker 1:People do think that you know they do, because some people are assholes and would I, you know, have I ever thought that in my time?
Speaker 2:Of course I have, you know. I've thought that I can be judgmental at times and I thought that and now having the condition, I'm like, oh, you know, I should have given credit to a lot more people. You know, you just do, you grow and you, you realize this when you, when you get older.
Speaker 1:But again, you, you, you know and you know as well that you make a psychological, you make an assessment of someone in a few seconds. You look at someone and you immediately make an assessment of that person yeah, yeah and so with something like that people would look at that specifically, because it's out of the norm. You, your eyes are drawn to it and people will go oh, does she really need that?
Speaker 1:yeah, does she because one thing that when, because, uh, when we went to thought park, okay, so you had your walking stick with thought park. Yeah, now, one thing that I did look at and I don't know if you, I don't know, I don't even know if you know that I did this.
Speaker 1:But wait, because you, your walking stick is collapsible it is yeah it's collapsible walking stick and when we were going on to the roller coaster, when we got to the end, I saw you collapse, your old, your walking stick. I immediately scanned everybody to see if people were thinking, oh, she doesn't really need that. Look, I did it was. It was weird. Yeah, I immediately did that.
Speaker 2:I've never really clocked the dirty looks and I'm not really looking for them, to be honest, like I don't want to see those dirty looks or whatever. But there is a part of me and I know this probably sounds a bit like counter of what we're actually saying, but sometimes I feel like if I put my stick away and then run to the ride because that's what I actually want to do, people think, oh God, she can run.
Speaker 1:Yeah, exactly, she doesn't need that.
Speaker 2:Not because I'm excited or because actually the fact that I've used the stick means that I can now have the energy to run to the ride is like another thing, and I do. It's often a point to yourself where it's like, should I look a little bit more disabled, like should I try and look more?
Speaker 1:disabled.
Speaker 2:I know, it sounds so silly but there's like a part of me that's like, oh, I probably shouldn't have ran, but no, I'm going to just be me, because I am poorly and I do have to stick for a reason, and things like that.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, I just, I just really I just don't care. But also remember as well, you know like in those sort of situations, that person is going to look at you, they're going to think that and then they're going to move on to something else a few seconds later Exactly, so don't worry about it.
Speaker 2:They're not going to remember me at Thought Park Exactly Like are they? Let's be honest.
Speaker 1:I think that's one, you know, in those types of situations where I mean people.
Speaker 2:You think people think about you more than they actually do. Yeah, essentially, absolutely, we do that.
Speaker 1:I think that's a really natural thing of human nature? Yeah, but, and you know, everybody's got their own stuff going on, so people aren't. And those people that are thinking about you for that amount of time, I'll ask, beg the question, why yeah, because why haven't you got stuff in your own life? Have you not got stuff in your own life to?
Speaker 2:be getting on with.
Speaker 1:I find that, yeah, I mean I'm very busy and when I think about people it's like I haven't got time to think about other people. So those people that have, I think, what have you got in your life?
Speaker 2:That warrants you to think that much about somebody else.
Speaker 1:They haven't got a chronic illness, that's for sure. Yeah, exactly exactly.
Speaker 2:Um, yeah, so um, mental health takes dip. So it's a physical condition, but of course my mental health is widely affected by it. I suffer from mood swings and I believe that is probably due to the hormonal imbalance that's potentially caused by it or that causes the pain. I'm not really we don't know which way around it is Depression? Feel like I'm going mad, feel like I'm going insane, sometimes because I can't think of my next word, or I just feel like it's all in my head. I'm making up Munchausen comes to mind. Things like that.
Speaker 2:Being told it's just stress or anxiety really gets on my goat, because I actually do have counselling and I do have these things in place to help with the mental health side. So when someone comes to me and says that I'm like, look, I'm doing everything I can on that front, I don't think it is. You know, it's one of them things that I'm actively trying not for it not to be stress or anxiety. You know I'm doing the things that I need to do to be able to help that. So it's only been really I don't even think it's been a whole year, but I would say roughly around six months ago I actually decided to go a bit more public with my condition, because I realised that I actually wasn't the only person that was sitting there feeling alone, undiagnosed, when everyone around me is like, oh, I've got endometriosis, I've got this, I've got that, and I'm like I don't know what I have. And I thought there's got to be other people out there, and I know there's other people out there in the same position. So I decided to make an Instagram account. It's called Painfully Me. I'll put a little link in our description, but basically I set it up for people who are undiagnosed and wanted, I don't know, a space to kind of just talk about everything. And through that account I founded an amazing support group that no healthcare professional has ever recommended to me. Support group's amazing, full of people from all walks, including undiagnosed people as well. So, yeah, it was incredible and had I not done that, I think I would have felt way more mentally unwell and more alone. All of those thoughts because now I actually have people that understand what I've been through, have gone through the diagnostic process, understand the lengthiness, believe you, which is, I think, is a massive thing. And, yeah, it's just made my life so much better.
Speaker 2:I never thought social media would be that good for me in this instance, but actually I think it's really helped. It's really helped helped me get over the whole being kind of dynamically disabled, which is cool, and I don't expect people to understand my condition I'm not on the pretense that people can completely sympathise with it at all but I think what annoys me the most is not people looking at my stickers, not people having their own ideas. It's when people come up to me with unsolicited advice and I think I know people mean well, and they send me. They might send me like links and stuff like that, and that's really sweet that they're thinking of me. When they see something that's that's women, health related, abdominal pain related, endometriosis related they send me a link and things like that. That's fine. That's not the issue.
Speaker 2:The issue is people coming up to me saying, oh, but my sister went on the pill and everything's cured now. Oh, my wife had a baby and now she's fine. You know, it's things like that. Those things don't work for everyone. And do you not think I've tried? It's that thing. It's that kind of the annoyance of don't you think I've tried that? Oh, you should try. Logging your periods is one I get a lot and I'm like do you not think I do that? I'm already there? I've been on this journey for five years now. Please, no, please. I know you mean well, but I don't need to hear it anymore. Just so fed up of being told kind of those little things that I have to do which I've already done, already tried. It's, yes, it's.
Speaker 1:I think you've already said, like at the very beginning of this episode, when we talk about the drugs, that they're different in male and female dosage. The dosage is the same and it's the same individual, not just between men and female. Yeah, women and women, women and women. You know, men and men.
Speaker 2:That's why we get weighed.
Speaker 2:It's why we get, have a pregnancy test before anything ever to do with female relation, like I have to go and pee on a stick every single like appointment. I I think I've probably had. Should I say if I I don't know what I've. I think I've had more pregnancy tests in my life than I've I don't know I've I've had. I can't think of a good comparative tool now. I've just had a lot. I've had a lot I can't think of. I was going to say how many rollercoaster parks I've visited and that's probably true.
Speaker 1:I've visited a lot. I mean, the obvious one is hot dinners, but then you know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, I've definitely had more hot dinners than I've had pregnancy tests. But yeah, I would say I've probably had more pregnancy tests than I've had roller coaster parks visited, which I know no one can really doesn't really know how many I've gone to, but just know it's a lot. So, in terms of mental health facts with women, women are nearly twice as likely to experience major depression than men. However, what I will say caveat to that is men are less likely to say that they have depression. So there's that statistic is a little bit flawed. Anxiety disorders 23 of women and 14 of men. Ptsd. Women have about double the lifetime risk compared to men. That's because they're more likely to go through more traumatic things and that's like labor, for example. Women's pain is more likely to be dismissed as psychological and leading to personal health worsening health. Mental concerns, mental health concerns can't say that the right way around, how we do for time, I feel like I've rattled on.
Speaker 2:It's okay, we're good, but 33 minutes so in september I actually last year, september last year I ran a 10k, which is a huge win, which is crazy, because now I'm walking with a walking stick. So that's how much dynamic conditions can change. I've been poorly for five years. Sure it's got worse. So what's happened now is that I've got to a point where I was able to do something and I was able to 10k. I was like, yes, that's a real massive goal for for me. And now I'm walking with a walking stick. It just feels like, oh, we were doing so well with it, we were doing so well with the condition and it just. I want that to amplify the fact that one minute you can just be fine and the next not. And that's why we should you should take every day as it comes on. I know this sounds cliche, but it's like you should, yeah, just live every to your fullest best that you possibly can, because you don't know when things will change.
Speaker 1:And again, don't take things for granted.
Speaker 2:And don't take things for granted. Don't take things for granted, yeah.
Speaker 1:Because you don't know what you've got until you've lost it.
Speaker 2:No, and people that I was running with in that 10K. You don't know the people around you. You don't know what they're going through mental, physical, whatever. I ran that 10k knowing that I had a chronic illness under my belt and there's lots of people around you and just because you look healthy doesn't mean that you are. I think a lot of people with conditions they can either.
Speaker 2:I think there's one of two ways you can go. You can have a condition and give up, which is I think there's one of two ways you can go. You can have a condition and give up, which is you know that's fine if that's the way you want to go. If you want to not give up, but if you want to slow down, take a breather, that's absolutely fine. And there's some people that just rock right over it and they have the opposite effect, where they just go and go and go and do so much, and there's problems with that too, because you overwork yourself, you burn out and then you're more ill. So you know there's there's there's a definitely a balance that you have to find there.
Speaker 2:And I know I really, really struggle with that being being slower and being faster fast. I love being fast, fast paced things are great, but then you know when you, when you go to down, when you go and slow down, you feel lazy and then you feel like you're a burden and it's just like that. There's just such a tight rope walk line of being good and active and being very healthy and then there's also just not. And it's finding that balance but yeah, yeah, I guess we could just go on to let's. Let's go on to diagnostic delays and misdiagnosis. I think okay. So women with women this is, this is just a crazy stat, but women with heart attack symptoms are 50 percent more likely to be misdiagnosed it's.
Speaker 1:Do you know why? Do you know what? What the reason is for that?
Speaker 2:I think it's because heart attacks particularly, every single test, every single medical bit of research, it's done on a man, so in a woman it represents differently. Men, when you think of heart attack, you think oh, left arm gone, numb chest, pain right.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:In women it can be. I think I've got it here Middle-aged women with cardiac symptoms are twice as likely to be labelled with a mental illness Across the board. We're more likely to be told it's stress before anyone checks what's actually going on. So immediately when a woman walks into a room, it's stress, it's anxiety, it's mental. And I think I've read somewhere I didn't write it down, unfortunately, but I think I've read somewhere something about a heart attack in a woman.
Speaker 2:It can be issue first before it's not which, I understand, makes it very difficult to diagnose, because if you've got digestion issues.
Speaker 2:You think, oh, ibs, something like that you know, something to do your tummy, but yeah, I, I don't, I don't really know and I can only assume that it's just the lack of research once again in in women's health would be my, my guess. Yeah, reproductive health and period pain. So period pain has been normalized to the point of invisibility, so you'll see a lot more now than you ever did when I was at school that period pain is normal. Period pain is not normal. Period pain is not. Mild cramping yeah, you can cope with that. But not being able to get out of bed to walk, to dress yourself, to get to dress yourself, to get to school, to get to work, that's not normal, do?
Speaker 1:you think as well that suck it up yeah that's what it is um, yeah, but do you think as well it's female? The kind of menstrual cycle is still, well, not so much now is I think it is getting slightly better, but I think it. You know, there's that, there's that whole tab with a womb has yeah.
Speaker 2:Majority of people with a womb have a period and I don't understand why it should be such a. It should be no different to. Well, I'm just trying to think of a male condition. I guess erectile dysfunction would be the best kind of comparative tool that no one wants to really talk about, because it's a pride thing, I guess, with men in particular, I would say, but with women a period is so natural and so it's not disgusting, it's not even unhygienic, really.
Speaker 2:Blood is blood, people feel uncomfortable with blood and that's absolutely fine as well, but it's that kind of yeah, it's that taboo subject, but I think we're getting better. There was something I read recently as well. I think it's only in the last five years that a period like advertising, commercials and things have actually used red liquid on period products.
Speaker 2:Oh, yeah, used to be blue yeah because they've realized that by having blue on there it doesn't mean anything. And also, I recently found out that period blood has not been tested on period products for a very long time. They've always used water which has a different consistency to blood. Yeah, of course it does how crazy is that. That they're not even using the biological product that they know is going to be going into that tampon, sanitary towel, whatever.
Speaker 1:They've been using water all this time like what, what crazy also, you know, I mean, I mean, I'm one of, I'm one of those people where you you can have that conversation with me and it doesn't yeah phase me, you know, but I know there are a lot of people out there who who haven't got the same kind of relationship uncomfortable talking to you about it either, which I think is a huge thing as well.
Speaker 2:It goes both ways. I think it's the comfortableness of the person and then the person listening as well. I think that's a massive distinction. I think there has to be comfortableness on both sides.
Speaker 1:But I think there's probably I'm not assuming, I think this is more than probable that there's going to be a lot of people out there that haven't got the relationship with their husbands, with their fathers, with their brothers, that they can have that conversation with someone. So there's quite possibly quite a few people out there suffering and haven't have got no, they haven't got that support network. Yeah, no, I'm very, that is quite sad.
Speaker 2:I'm very lucky and fortunate to have that support network and I'm definitely one of these people that do and I think that's another reason why I wanted to create my instagram account was because I know there are people out there that don't have that support, and I think that was why I wanted to do what I did and share my story. It's all very positive side of things. I've got a couple of negative things on there just because that's just how my mind goes sometimes, because you can't be positive all the time about it. But, yeah, it's giving people that voice and giving or giving a voice to others as well.
Speaker 2:It's not just about sharing my life online and although, yes, ok, we have a podcast and we share about our life there, others as well it's not. It's not just about sharing my life online and although, yes, okay, we have a podcast and we share about our life there, and now I share about the intimate side of my my health condition on another side I'm probably negates my next point, but it's, it's not. I'm not doing it for clout, I'm not doing it for any reason, I'm not trying to get famous from it. I'm not. You know, and I think that's the problems that I was having when I was like, oh, I don't want to start an account because people will think, oh, I'm just talking about myself all the time.
Speaker 2:I'm selfish and I'm this and I'm that and I'm a burden, but no, my. My goal is to help other people, give a voice to other people, um and free space.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because there are. There are probably quite a few people out there who who need that support and need that steer to those groups, those support groups and that network, because, because they haven't, they haven't. So in that respect, that's why when you, when you told me that you were going to be doing this account and you were really worried about it. I was very nervous yeah, because even nervous about doing this particular episode, because this is.
Speaker 2:This is. It's against what we normally do, and normally we're jokey and funny and this is very serious and very personal, I guess.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, but at the same time, I think this could help other people. I think so.
Speaker 2:You know, and if there is anyone listening to this podcast episode that is either suffering, is know someone that's suffering or potentially know someone that's suffering, you know, just swing them my way. I'll, you know, virtually give them a hug, you know, because I think it is worth, yeah, it's worth talking about, because if we don't talk about these things, no one will know where to get help and how to get that help. And that's something you know I can advise on not offer, but advise on.
Speaker 2:I and that's something you know I can advise on not offer, but advise on. I want to finish. I know we're getting towards the end of our time, but there is one subject that I did want to bring up, and that is medical cannabis. Very, very quickly, because there's a lot of stigma around this.
Speaker 2:I have been prescribed medical cannabis and it helps. I've been prescribed this by a doctor, a fully professional private doctor. It does help with my pain. It is less damaging to my stomach. I was on a lot of painkillers and other cocktail of drugs that was basically destroying my stomach lining and giving me essentially diarrhea every morning, and now that I've reduced that side of things because I've got the medical cannabis which doesn't the only thing I guess the only drawback of medical cannabis is the high.
Speaker 2:I feel quite guilty about getting a high from the medication. The reason I feel that is because I feel like medication shouldn't be good. We've got it in our head that medication is here to help you and relieve your symptoms so that you are then normal. But I'm not normal when I take medical cannabis because, of course, I'm getting a slight high from it. I can't deny that that's not a good feeling, because it is, but that makes me feel so guilty because it's so controversial it's controversial topic, particularly in the UK, I think and having a good side effect it reduces the pain, it helps me sleep. I feel like I shouldn't be getting these good things. I don't know why, but I feel like I shouldn't be, it shouldn't be good, it shouldn't feel good. I know it's so hard, it's it's. Yeah, I feel guilty about that. I feel I feel very guilty.
Speaker 1:You know we could now go into an hour and a half on this and on this entire subject about yeah about drugs and the way that society looks at drugs and looks at you know, and how, how cannabis is illegal it's hard to talk about in my mind. It's absolutely astonishing to me that, in this day and age, where something that such as cannabis, particularly that does help so many people, you just need epileptics.
Speaker 1:It's not just chronic pain, it's epileptics, it's pain migraines, the guy who got parkinson's, what happens to him when he takes cannabis, why we are, why that is still not legalized and why it's still got an absolute stigma to it. It's absolutely.
Speaker 2:I just can't get my head around there are people I've avoided telling because I'm worried about what they would think of me. Yeah, how crazy is that I'm taking a medication they wouldn't think twice about the the other medication that I'm taking as a little bit of a lighter note on on this very subject.
Speaker 1:Okay, so my own experience okay.
Speaker 2:So I went into hospital with kidney stones oh yeah, oh yes, like yes, I've got, I've got a point to yeah so I went to hospital with kidney stones.
Speaker 1:Now I was due to be on stage that night yeah, performing in front of quite a few people with the band. I rang benji up at eight o'clock in the morning and said I'm in hospital, I'm in absolute agony, I don't know if we're going to be able to do the gig. So he said, all right, keep me posted. So anyway, then something happened. The doctors gave me morphine. Yeah, I played that gig, and Benji Joe and Peach all told me that was the best we've ever played. And Benji Joe and Peach all told me that was the best we've ever played. Okay, can you remember?
Speaker 2:it no, no.
Speaker 1:The morphine made me feel good.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Okay, it got rid of the pain and I felt great, even though I still was suffering from kidney stones. I went out on stage, so that blows that argument right out of the water.
Speaker 2:It does, and things like morphine. Yes, you could. You could say well, why don't they describe? I know morphine's an opiate, and then we're going into. That's what I just said. Yes, what I was going to make a point was, yeah, that morphine is an opiate and opiates are highly addictive exactly so that's why I'm on medical cannabis, because cannabis in itself is not addictive.
Speaker 2:No, and having opiates and being opiate dependent is not good, and I have recently come away from opiates. I used to take cocodamol. I do still take cocodamol on the really, really bad days, but not now every day, which is another drug I take. No one would think twice about saying anything about it, but because it's cannabis because, it's a class B drug. Yeah, there's suddenly a problem with it, but it's much healthier for me to take cannabis than it is the opiates that have been destroying my stomach.
Speaker 1:I mean, as part of One of the reasons why I feel so strongly about cannabis and, and you know, certain chemicals and the like, is because during psychology, when I did do a study on how addiction works and what actual addiction is, and I said I won't go into it now, but there is a there's a fascinating, there's a fascinating ted talk on the study of addiction, which is basically what I studied. That was my, that was my case study. That I did, uh, when, when I, when I, when I studied psychology and and addiction and drugs and how it kind of all works together. So I just think that I mean me personally. I know there will be people out there have got their own opinion. Of course, everyone's got their own opinion on this.
Speaker 1:And that's fine and absolutely of course, everyone's got their own opinion. That's cool, but me personally, I do find it absolutely astounding that cannabis has this stigma attached to it and that it isn't legal.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I really do. A lot of people say it's a gateway drug. I disagree. Caffeine's a gateway drug. I disagree, I've not caffeine's a gateway drug alcohol's a gateway drug. Like alcohol is way worse than cannabis like alcohol, does more damage to your body.
Speaker 1:It destroys more parts of your body most. Most drugs and chemicals will attack a certain part of the body. Alcohol actually attacks the many parts of the body, and that's legal. What, although I don't think, if alcohol was to come out now, was to be suddenly discarded, it wouldn't be legal. Legal, it wouldn't be legal.
Speaker 2:No way, no way, no, it wouldn't be legal anyway, we are coming to the end of this episode. Um, yeah, sorry for the slightly heavier subject this time, but we wanted to kind of address it, I guess.
Speaker 1:Yeah, um, so I wanted to leave on some final thoughts for I just want to say as well, actually, before you do your final thoughts, I just want to say well done, thank you. And that was. I didn't cry, I know, but that was, that was really brave.
Speaker 1:I was when I, I know I kind of suggested it as a kind of off-the-cuff comment and then when you messaged me and said I want to do it, I yeah I'm sitting here as the as your dad worried for you and how you, how you were going to cope with this, and because I say I know I know what you go through and I just want to say I love you oh, I love you too.
Speaker 2:Um, it's, uh, yeah, it's hard to talk about and I think that that's the problem. So I wanted to leave on some final thoughts, and these thoughts are mainly for the people that um are suffering with this or any condition. Actually, any chronic illness doesn't have to be this particular, and you don't have to be a woman to experience chronic pain either. So if you're listening and you feel like you're not being heard, we see you. You're not being dramatic, you're not imagining it and you deserve a lot better.
Speaker 2:Five years is too long, but any time to get a diagnosis is too long. You'd expect to be diagnosed at least well, normally, with a common cold or tonsillitis. It's instant, and I'm not saying it should be instant, but I'm saying it should be a damn sight quicker than five years. 6.6, I think, is the average. So, yeah, you're not alone. I'm not alone. I know I'm not alone and neither are you.
Speaker 2:Thanks for listening and share this with someone who might need it, who might need to hear this, and we've got a community and we've you know, there's a community out there for chronic pain sufferers. You just need to find it, because the doctors won't tell you it's there and, yeah, something you have to find on your own. And we're a nice, happy, mostly happy bunch. I mean have to find on your own and and we're, we're a nice, happy, uh, mostly happy bunch. I mean we've got, we've got our bugbears, but we're, we're pretty cool. So, yeah, um, try and try and find us out. There we are, we are about, and there are people that will listen to you and hear you. So, um, that's what I wanted to finish on final thoughts. Wise, yes, cool, we talk about a lot lighter things. So, um, we've got some other episodes that you might be interested in. Thank you for listening to this one.
Speaker 1:We've got a disastrous quiz as well.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we just recorded and it was shit, but we think in a funny way I think it'll be funny.
Speaker 1:I hope it comes across funny.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think it'll be funny this did not come across funny, but yes, if you've enjoyed this episode, we talk about a lot lighter subjects in other episodes. You can find us on YouTube, all of your streaming services because we're mostly an audio podcast, but we've gone visual recently. Enjoy yourselves. Cue the outro. Thanks for joining us on Bonus Dad, Bonus Daughter. Don't forget to follow us on all our socials and share the podcast with someone who'd love it. We are available on all streaming platforms. See you next time. Bye-bye you.