Fathers Day - Part 2

What if the essence of fatherhood could be captured through epic moments and heartfelt anecdotes? Join us on this special continuation of our Father's Day series in Bonus Dad, Bonus Daughter, where we explore the multifaceted journey of fatherhood. From the joys of witnessing your child's milestones to the anxiety of worrying about their safety, we lay bare the emotional rollercoaster that comes with being a dad. We also shine a light on the unique dynamics of being a step-parent and the importance of acceptance, all while sharing laughter and deeply personal stories that celebrate the joys and challenges of fatherhood.

Ever wondered how father figures across history have shaped our understanding of leadership and morality? This episode takes a fascinating look at iconic dads from different cultures and eras. We delve into Greek mythology with Odysseus and even draw parallels with modern pop culture by analyzing Homer Simpson's role as the quintessential yet flawed father figure in "The Simpsons." This chapter offers a rich tapestry of stories that underscore the enduring impact of paternal figures throughout time.

To cap it all off, we turn the spotlight on fatherhood lessons from media and popular culture. We explore various portrayals of fatherhood that resonate deeply. We also discuss single dads in modern films, and celebrate Eminem's devotion to his children. 

Thank you for being part of our heartfelt journey in honoring the many faces of fatherhood.

Chapters

• 0:00 Challenges and Rewards of Fatherhood
• 13:10 Father Figures Throughout Time
• 23:10 Lessons on Fatherhood in Media
• 34:32 Two Part Father's Day Podcast

Transcript

Davey: 0:00

Hello and welcome to Bonus Dad. Bonus Daughter a special father-daughter podcast with me Hannah and me, davey, where we discuss our differences, similarities, share a few laughs and stories.

Hannah: 0:10

within our ever-changing and complex world, Each week we will discuss a topic from our own point of view and influences throughout the decades. Or you could choose one by contacting us via email, Instagram, Facebook or TikTok links in bio. Welcome to part two of the Father's Day episode for Bonus Dad, Bonus Daughter, what would you say are the challenges and rewards of fatherhood? What's your biggest reward of fatherhood?

Davey: 0:38

My biggest reward of fatherhood is seeing you grow Me grow, seeing you grow.

Hannah: 0:42

I didn't grow very much, I know I'm still five foot.

Davey: 0:45

Yeah, I kind of failed then, didn't I? No, I mean your personality and also that you have. It was almost like you know those moments in your life where you know, like when you little things, like going to high school.

Hannah: 0:59

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Davey: 1:02

Okay, yeah. And then, as you know, the first time you fell off your bike.

Hannah: 1:06

And the 50th time you fell off your bike.

Davey: 1:10

And yeah, you know passing your driving test. Yeah, you know the.

Hannah: 1:15

Milestones.

Davey: 1:17

Yeah, those milestones, you know getting your exam results, getting married, getting married. I was going through the oh sorry.

Hannah: 1:24

I was working up to like you know, university.

Davey: 1:26

I just skipped, and you just skipped a whole kind of thing.

Hannah: 1:29

When I graduated.

Davey: 1:30

And then buying your house.

Hannah: 1:32

Yeah.

Davey: 1:33

And then getting married.

Hannah: 1:35

Yeah.

Davey: 1:35

Getting your first tattoo. Yeah, you know all those things where you know to see you grow, and that's what makes me proud.

Hannah: 1:46

Yeah.

Davey: 1:46

So that is my, that's my biggest reward is you you, essentially, and your life.

Hannah: 1:52

Thanks, man.

Davey: 1:53

There you are. Yeah, there you go. That's my reward.

Hannah: 1:56

No pressure.

Davey: 1:57

That's my reward. Is you being you Nice, and you know that, doesn't you know that you could do? I think that requires quite minimal effort on my part, just to wake up in the morning, just be you and just be alive.

Hannah: 2:10

Yeah, you know that's, I'll try.

Davey: 2:14

Yeah, just be alive so yeah, that's my biggest reward and also the other reward is things like this yeah, yeah, like today, like doing these things with you, um, you know when you come over and you know you guys come over. We play dungeons and dragons, or one of the biggest rewards is those knowing looks that we have to each other, where we're both completely on the same wavelength, where we might have heard something, seen something and we're both completely on the same wavelength and no one else in the room is there. That's my big, that's one of my biggest rewards yeah, we do have an unspoken language, haven't we?

Hannah: 2:48

yeah between us, yeah, so then yeah, anyone else, I suppose yeah yeah yeah, that's fun. What about the challenges?

Davey: 2:55

oh, they were well getting old yeah, getting old is one being seen as old yeah, yeah, being seen as old um although, compared to my friends, you're my, you're the youngest parent. Yeah, you said this the other day as well, because didn't you say you played another online D&D game?

Hannah: 3:13

Yeah.

Davey: 3:13

And you made a comment of saying that me and your mum are quite young parents.

Hannah: 3:16

Yeah, well, I mean, you were 20, although you weren't there for my birth, you were 21 when I was born.

Davey: 3:22

That's quite young parentage well, so was my mum and dad. Yeah, my mum and dad were only 20, 21 when I was, when they were married and I was born but I think people are having children a lot older yeah, I think so. Now I think so yeah, yeah yeah, I definitely think so.

Hannah: 3:37

Yeah, that kind of worrying about you has always been a challenge yeah, I don't think I've ever given you a massive reason to worry. I think it's just your personality to worry about things that I don't think I've ever done. Well, you can say on the podcast, but I don't think I've ever done anything that's actually ever really truly no, no worried you in that sense like I haven't done something stupid and you've worried about no, no, no.

Davey: 3:59

When I say worry about you, I mean as in worry about outside influences yeah I mean like, for instance, every time you drive a car terrifies me, absolutely terrifies it's not a pretty good driver yeah, but again, it's not you, is it? It's not necessarily it's other drivers it's other drivers on the road, you know, worrying about or worrying that something would happen to you that's a probably better way of putting it. You know, not worrying about you, but just worried that something would happen to you are you annoyed that I'm a thrill seeker?

Davey: 4:26

no, no, I'm proud of you for that okay the funny thing is is I used to be yeah you know, is it since you've become a dad that you're less thrill seeking I think so.

Davey: 4:37

I mean, I used to be so reckless, like to the point of I do wonder how I'm still alive did I ground you you did, you grounded me, you grounded me. Yeah, yeah, I feel like you know I need to be here for you, so I've got to look after myself okay, yeah yeah, just, and you know, one of the other challenges is just being accepted I guess as a step parent yes I think this applies more to step parents than it does, uh, biological fathers, because with a biological father it's very, it's kind of automatic acceptance yeah which in my experience, isn't always, um, it's not always the case.

Hannah: 5:14

I suppose it's. It's not always. Unfortunately, there are some occasions where blood relatives in any sense, um, they, they may not be the best figures in your life, let's say, and when it comes to another person coming into that relationship, father figure or maybe even like a best friend, that's like part as an uncle, or an auntie coming in.

Davey: 5:34

Like you know, I have Auntie Emma, for example who is my auntie, but she's no blood relation to me.

Hannah: 5:40

You know it's, and I've accepted her as my, my auntie, even though there's no, there's no obligation to, because she's not blood related yeah and I think that applies to that, definitely applies to step parents the most, and that acceptance there and you know, my, my husband himself, also has a step parent, so we're coming from the very same thing and and you know, and the acceptance there as well. So you know, I think, I think that is a massive thing. I think more pressure on a step parent to do what they need to do, and then that puts you in that position, if I may say so, you probably think, oh, I don't want to overstep, because they have a biological parent already or a biological person within the picture.

Hannah: 6:20

That's their figure that they look up to and you don't want to overstep that mark, which is quite sweet, but in some ways it's kind of nice that you do have some responsibility there as well. So I think you you hit the nail on the head in terms of the right, the goldilocks principle, I think you got it just right you weren't so involved that there wasn't room for a biological parent in there, but also you were there to support me. If that support broke down or if that support wasn't there, you were there, but you didn't overstep.

Davey: 6:51

Yeah, exactly.

Hannah: 6:52

You were present, but not too present.

Davey: 6:56

Yeah, exactly, I always had. Let's just say it was a similar thing to like yesterday.

Hannah: 7:01

Yeah.

Davey: 7:02

Okay, and this is a kind of classic example of how I am with you. It's like you. You are very independent. You always have been. Yeah, yeah, and I love that about you. Your mom's the same. You know. You're both very, very strong, independent women. And uh, dance straight and you know you had this issue yesterday that you were dealing with a car yeah and I let you do.

Davey: 7:24

You know, I let you. Yeah, I was sitting there and I was like I want to like, but it was your problem, but I was there. So if you needed me and you like almost like a, almost like a wwe wrestling thing, yeah, but you could have tagged me in at any point, but I wasn't gonna tag in. Tag myself in yeah, let you deal with the problem. But if you needed me, then yeah, absolutely Right, get out of the way I'm now going in.

Hannah: 7:49

Yeah.

Davey: 7:50

Yeah, that's how it was. Yeah, yeah.

Hannah: 7:53

No, that's, I think, kind of how it should be, because how can you install independence in someone if you're too much?

Davey: 8:01

Yeah.

Hannah: 8:01

But also, how can you support someone if you're too much? Yeah, but also, how can you support someone, if you're not there at all.

Hannah: 8:05

Exactly. I think there's a, there is a really fine line, and sometimes maybe you have overstepped that line, maybe you have been too involved in something and then caught yourself and gone. No, I need to take a step back here. Maybe there are times where you feel, oh, I probably should actually just check in and just see uh, because we're human and we and we do those things. But that I think right exactly, exactly, uh.

Hannah: 8:24

But getting that balance right is? I mean, sometimes you do randomly just call me up and you're just like oh, are you okay today? I'm like yeah, I'm fine, yeah, yeah, um.

Hannah: 8:35

So I guess those are times like I'll tell you if I'm out yeah, like on a meal out, and then, if I don't pick up my phone, there's immediately something wrong in your head. Like I haven't picked up, therefore she must be dead, like, or something like that, and I'm like no, I already told you. You just forgot that I'm out and having dinner, so it's very rude for me to pick up my phone. That's where I think you overstep in that sense it's that over protectiveness, but I think I personally would prefer it that way.

Davey: 8:59

But yeah, they made me laugh the other day when you called me up and I didn't answer my phone and you left me this like abusive voicemail it was like one of the like.

Hannah: 9:10

Maybe I can count on my hand the amount of times you haven't picked up the phone for me and I was like, right, Cracked knuckles, Right, I'm going to give you what for.

Davey: 9:19

Yeah, that was quite funny. Yeah, yeah, that was quite funny. So, with regard, so I also had a little look at kind of father figures and what could be deemed as a father figure throughout history and in the media, and in the media as well. Yeah, yeah, I'll kind of group these next two together. Yeah, sure To see if you've ever heard of any of these. Have you ever heard of St Joseph?

Hannah: 9:40

No.

Davey: 9:41

No, I haven't either. Cool and bizarrely enough, I was raised a catholic and, yeah, I'd never heard of saint joseph, but he's. He was seen as a kind of protect father, protector.

Hannah: 9:51

Okay, so you know, in in like olden times I'm surprised saint nick isn't on this list because like he's called literally father christmas father christmas, that's very true the christ, the father of christmas yeah, the father of Christmas. Did you know? In other languages, particularly European languages, it's known as Grandfather Christmas.

Davey: 10:10

I did know that actually. Yeah, I think, yes, I did know that.

Hannah: 10:12

God, listeners, please correct me if I'm wrong, but I feel like it's Spanish, I want to say, and I believe Ukrainian as well, just because I have Spanish and Ukrainian friends have told me yeah, it's Grandfather Christmas. How interesting is that? That is really interesting. He's older.

Davey: 10:27

Yeah.

Hannah: 10:28

If you think about Father Christmas, you do think of him as old.

Davey: 10:30

Yeah.

Hannah: 10:31

Like he's depicted as a grandfather figure, but we call him Father Christmas, not Grandfather Christmas.

Davey: 10:36

Yeah, weird. Ah, but again also, if you look in the media, like you just said, fathers used to be fairly young yeah but now fathers are getting older. But whenever you see fathers in the media, it's like the whole Greece thing where you had like 40 year old people playing teenagers. It's the same sort of thing.

Hannah: 10:54

Fathers are always seen as that and people do look younger these days yeah, I think Homer Simpson as he's like, because the Simpsons are supposed to be like an unconventional no, they're supposed to be like an unconventional. No, they're supposed to be um, what's the word? Dysfunctional dysfunctional nuclear family. They call it nuclear family, don't they? One mom, dad, two or three children in their case. So homer simpson he's actually only, I think, supposed to be in his late 30s- maybe even early 40s, but he's balding exactly, yeah, so it's kind of like.

Davey: 11:23

I don't think he's supposed to Exactly yeah.

Hannah: 11:24

So it's kind of like I don't think he's supposed to be very, very old, because there's there's a couple of episodes where I mean there's a conspiracy theory behind Simpsons, isn't it that he's hit his head so many times?

Davey: 11:34

Oh yeah, there's lots of conspiracy theories around Simpsons, which is what I really like.

Hannah: 11:38

Yeah, so um is like he's, he's balding. Yeah, king solomon, you ever heard of king solomon? No, oh wait. Yeah, like oh no, hang on, have I?

Davey: 11:48

I have heard of it, but I think I'm getting confused with solomon gamora uh no, king solomon is is the guy who he's he's seen as being very, very wise and can you remember the thing about the child? You ever heard that story? No, oh okay, it was a little bit. So there was, and again it's been a while since I've, you know, went to church because you know yeah yeah, let's move on.

Davey: 12:12

Um so, and there was a story where there was two, uh two women and they were arguing about who's the whose child. This one child was so brought to king solomon, and solomon said well, you can either give it to the other one or you cut the child in half and you each take half each oh, okay, yeah, yeah to I do remember that yeah and one of the one of the women said give the child to her yeah and it was at that point solomon knew that she was the actual mother, because she would rather see the child live than die, or live with, live with another woman than die and, you know, be shared out between them.

Davey: 12:49

Yeah, so he was always seen as this wise figure. He was a wise kind of father. So, yeah, within the bible, yeah, yeah, can you remember that one now, yes, yeah, and then you've got uh in um in asia, you'reus.

Hannah: 13:03

Okay.

Davey: 13:03

He was seen to be the father of a shaped Chinese culture.

Hannah: 13:09

Okay.

Davey: 13:10

I don't know much about Confucius, to be honest.

Hannah: 13:11

No, I don't think I've ever heard of him.

Davey: 13:13

Yeah, I know the name, but I don't really know much about him.

Hannah: 13:16

George Washington, father of the USA.

Davey: 13:19

George Washington is generally seen as father of the USA.

Hannah: 13:22

indeed, yeah, he's on all their notes, isn't he?

Davey: 13:24

He is indeed. He is indeed. When we went to Pennsylvania or went to Philadelphia, we went to the Mint.

Hannah: 13:31

Oh, that's cool.

Davey: 13:32

And see how all the coins were made, and obviously, Did you get to keep any? No, that's really sad.

Hannah: 13:37

No free samples.

Davey: 13:38

Well, no you got guns there as well, guns there as well.

Hannah: 13:45

Honestly, you walk in and you know the guy sitting at the desk has got I mean to be fair of all the places to have it.

Davey: 13:47

I know he got a couple of guns. That did you know. Yeah, I took a sneaky picture as well outside the FBI building. I don't know if I was going to get in trouble or not, but I was like I took this really sneaky selfie. I'll say it's like Nelson Mandela. I so Nelson Mandela.

Hannah: 14:01

I mean, you've spelt it Medela.

Davey: 14:03

I know yeah.

Hannah: 14:04

Father of the nation.

Davey: 14:05

Father of South Africa. Yeah, yes, he's seen as a father figure. Is he still alive? No, no, uh, albert einstein he's not still alive either. No, he's not still alive, but albert einstein and thomas edison yeah, they're seeing father figures within the world of science and technology yeah uh, and then of course you've got mahatma gandhi and martin luther king. Yeah, they're also seen um as father figures, and then in greek mythology, oh yeah, so greek mythology.

Hannah: 14:38

They think of fathers a bit differently. It's the whole oedipus complex situation as well, but odysseus yeah I know you've put odysseus down, but yeah yeah fathers are rule under an iron fist in greek mythology mainly yeah, um, yeah but odesius was just trying.

Davey: 14:54

Yeah, adesius was just basically trying to get back to his um family found his family. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's just basically trying to get, because have you ever read the odyssey?

Hannah: 15:03

yes, you have. Yes, didn't you studied? I have an a level in it. Did you study the odyssey?

Davey: 15:12

yeah, unfortunately so, yeah I, so I just had that light bulb moment. It was like hang on a minute. I'm sure I've had this discussion with you before about Greek mythology, yeah, and that you've what was the actual A level in now.

Hannah: 15:24

Classical civilization.

Davey: 15:25

That was it.

Hannah: 15:25

And I got a B. That was it.

Davey: 15:28

Ah, so you didn't do. That's interesting. What? Because I've just mentioned about confucius.

Hannah: 15:37

Well, yeah, and that would have been an ancient civilization yeah, we only done roman and greek. Yeah, we didn't do very limited, wasn't it? I think had I done it the second year. Uh, it may have opened up a bit more yeah it was just a memory test. That's why I dropped it I remember you saying level yeah, yes, that's why I was so good at it, because I could just recall the. I can recall things like that because I'm that way inclined, but yeah.

Davey: 15:58

Didn't really get you thinking.

Hannah: 15:59

No, did you Just a memory test? Did you study Pompeii?

Davey: 16:03

No, you didn't do Pompeii.

Hannah: 16:05

No, we'd just done. Roman and Greek mythology.

Davey: 16:07

Oh, okay, because when I learned Latin, it was around the Pompeii incident that we learn there's a story about this guy called Caecilius and how his family and I do know a couple of things.

Hannah: 16:20

Caligula is another one that I he's a bit of a wrong end yeah, there was a few like that, but a lot of the stuff I know about Romans is actually from horrible histories it's from what horrible histories horrible histories, stories stupid deaths stupid, what horrible histories. Horrible histories, stupid deaths, stupid deaths. They're funny because they're true. Woo, stupid deaths, oh okay. Next time, it's not you.

Davey: 16:43

When I did Latin and we talked about Pompeii, I remember the last line in the textbook was Caecilius est mortis. He is dead, he is dead. Caecilius is dead, yes mortis, he is dead, he is dead. Kikelius is dead, yes, um. So when we've got looking at fathers, we so that's kind of like father figures throughout time and I'll say, in specific kind of areas. You've already mentioned one homer homer father in uh.

Hannah: 17:09

Fathers in media yeah, so homer simpson is supposed to be that, like the whole point of Simpsons is. It's supposed to be the ideal family. You've got the husband and wife not divorced, and then three kids or two kids, and normally there's the older male son and a female daughter, and then they obviously had Maggie as well.

Davey: 17:31

The 2.4 kids.

Hannah: 17:32

The 2.4. Isn't it? It is the 2.4. It's that stereotypical kind of family unit but dysfunctional at the same time yeah, I think it just displays that the nuclear family isn't isn't always functional, and that was kind of the point of Simpsons yeah they were so dysfunctional and it was mostly the dad's fault.

Hannah: 17:50

Yeah, in most ways, like Homer was the one that was like either too impulsive or, um, you know, there was always mention of his weight and how much beer and donuts and stuff, wasn't it? It was always like kind of his not saying that Marge was a saint either, but they depicted Homer as being the one that messed everything up most of the time.

Davey: 18:10

Yeah, but also he was completely clueless.

Hannah: 18:12

Yeah, he was the dumb one as well. Yeah, he was completely clueless. Yeah, he was the dumb one as well yeah, he was completely clueless to all of it. And then you've got the son. You've got Bart, who's like troublesome, and he was always the one, but you've got Lisa, who's the articulate one. And it was like, yeah, it's supposed to be depicting the most the family ideal, but in a negative way.

Davey: 18:32

Exactly, which is quite an interesting watch really. I put down al bundy who's al bundy? Yeah, I didn't think you'd know who this was as kind of uh I know who ted bundy is oh yeah, no, no, no, no, no.

Davey: 18:44

Uh. Al bundy is uh, there's a. There was a program in you know, I can't remember if it was like the 80s or the 90s, now called married with children, and al bundy was the dad and he was uh, he was quite misogynistic but he was also just like this lovable character of a dad and I suppose you could see he was. He was kind of portraying the stereotypical american dad. He was a, he worked in the shoes in a shoe shop as a shoe salesman. But he was also quite remember there's one episode where a playboy model came in and he'd be drooling over the girl and it was like, you know, not really the behavior that you should really be doing as a father and as a as a husband.

Davey: 19:20

But back then obviously times were different, it was seen as that kind of thing. But al bundy was one of the. He was a brilliant character, a little bit almost like homer to a degree, okay, that semi kind of dysfunctional kind of thing. But at the end of of the day, when it came down to it, al Bundy was always there. You know, it was kind of yeah, it was one of those. He was like this kind of lazy lounge around kind of dad, but when it really mattered.

Hannah: 19:43

He was there.

Davey: 19:44

He was there and he'd pull something out of the bag. It was yeah, it was quite yeah. So that was kind of and then drama, I thought I looked at what drama or dads there are in a drama series, and I came up with two. Okay and quite telling, these particular two that I came up with in my head was tony soprano and walter white I mean, I know walter white, he's the that's breaking bad, isn't?

Hannah: 20:07

it yeah, breaking bad yeah the one I thought of for drama. Actually, um, and if I may go a little bit off piste, because I really like gilmore girls, yeah they depict fathers in that in a not so nice light they do so christopher, who's rory's dad in yeah in gilmore girls is kind of the deadbeat dad, absent father yeah and it shows how lorelei kind of took on that fatherly role and how people in their town took on a fatherly role in replacement of the absent father.

Hannah: 20:38

So, for example, luke at the diner yeah, yeah, yeah what's interesting about that is he kind of was the stepfather figure in her life, even though he wasn't the stepdad no well well, he was, yeah, he was the end. But yeah it. It's funny how, when it comes to drama, I feel like they're one way or the other. There's no mid-ground.

Davey: 21:00

Yeah.

Hannah: 21:01

When it comes to TV, and maybe that just makes better TV. I don't know.

Davey: 21:05

Yeah, it's the black and white. It's the black and white. Yeah, the black and white kind of. There's less of the grey, although I think drama's getting better with regarding to the grey, drama's getting better with regarding the to the gray. Yeah, I mean, I thought about reason why I put tony soprano is because you know he was. It was two things he was a family man and he was a father to his children, but also he was the head of the mafia and he was the father of you know, his crime family. Yeah, but what I really liked about the sopranos is that he also was struggling with everything that was going on. He was going to see a therapist oh you know, atwoods, he's this big crime boss.

Davey: 21:44

You know nothing. You know this kind of hard, uh hard man, both physically and emotionally. But he was also suffering, yeah, with decisions that he was making, was, and he was actually going to see a therapist and it was just I thought that's why I liked that as well that that kind of dynamic is that you know, no matter how hard, and you know there's this kind of persona that people put on underneath.

Hannah: 22:09

It's not necessarily what's going on yeah and everybody's fighting their own battles I mean, when it it comes to Disney fathers as well, they're all dead.

Davey: 22:18

Oh my God, yeah, and some mothers as well.

Hannah: 22:21

Yeah, mothers are dead. Stepmoms are evil. I don't even think that Is that a Disney stepfather?

Davey: 22:27

There is a real thing about. See, this is the thing.

Hannah: 22:30

This is a very, very that's what causes the it's kind of the catalyst in most Disney stories is that the parents are dead. Yeah, and they've been replaced with someone evil.

Davey: 22:39

Yeah, exactly.

Hannah: 22:39

Like Snow White, you've got the evil queen.

Davey: 22:41

Oh God yeah.

Hannah: 22:42

In Sleeping Beauty. I mean you've got Maleficent, but both her parents are dead and she's being cared for.

Davey: 22:49

Yeah, what I do like now is that when they're doing some of the origin stories of the evil characters, you're kind of understanding why they're evil.

Hannah: 22:55

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Davey: 22:56

You know, and it's like okay, because not everybody is totally evil and not everybody is totally good.

Hannah: 23:00

No, no, it's good that they're kind of going back to the origins a little bit.

Davey: 23:04

Yeah.

Hannah: 23:05

Particularly Maleficent. That was a good one. Yeah, I mean, you have written this one down. Finding Nem Nemo is a father who was far too protective of his son.

Davey: 23:13

Oh, my God.

Hannah: 23:14

His son rebelled, and then he got lost across the ocean.

Davey: 23:17

Yeah.

Hannah: 23:17

At 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney. Yeah, and then with the help of a disabled, forgetful woman he then finds his son across the oceans.

Davey: 23:30

Just keep swimming, just keep swimming. I love finding Nemo. Yeah, just keep swimming, just keep swimming, I love.

Hannah: 23:34

Finding Nemo. Yeah, but that's an example of a father who was. Something really bad happened because mum died via shark attack.

Davey: 23:41

Exactly. Oh yeah, have you ever read the synopsis of the first five minutes?

Hannah: 23:44

Yeah, yeah, mum and siblings all get killed.

Davey: 23:49

Yeah, yeah.

Hannah: 23:50

By a predator.

Davey: 23:51

Yeah, and then, yeah, I don't know if this is true, but have you ever seen the bit about the dentist in Finding Nemo when apparently there's a where it says Aussie flosser at the back? And apparently, within Finding Nemo, apparently at one point the dentist walks past it and stands it a certain way, so it looks like Aussie tosser in the background. It's like one of those little things. Where did the animators do that on purpose? And yes, yes, in the background. It's like one of those little things. Where did the animators do that on purpose? And yes, yes, and they did, yeah, and they did, yeah. Film wise, the first one that popped into my head and I don't know why this popped into my head, uh, because I haven't seen this film for decades was atticus finch from to kill a mockingbird oh, this one's lost on me lost on the.

Davey: 24:31

Yeah, he was a, he was a lawyer yeah and kind of kind of fighting injustices in America.

Hannah: 24:36

Yeah.

Davey: 24:36

Yeah, atticus Finch yeah, I don't know why that popped into my head as being you know, who was a really good example of a father in a film.

Hannah: 24:44

Yeah.

Davey: 24:45

And that one popped into my head. Yeah, yeah.

Hannah: 24:47

Recently they've tried to do kind of the single father approach in films. The one that comes to mind is Thor, Love and Thunder.

Davey: 24:55

Yeah, because he kind of adopts the girl, doesn't he? Yeah, and like wearing the boots and things like that.

Hannah: 25:01

They're kind of trying to push this whole kind of single father approach a little bit in films in most modern day films, which I think is quite a good one, because there are single fathers out there, oh fathers out there For whatever reason. You know whether mum has left, mum has passed away. You know there's loads of situations and scenarios where that could happen and it's quite nice that in the media they're kind of depicting that unspoken thing.

Davey: 25:24

Yeah, well, interestingly enough as well. So there's one, there's before. I've not written this on here, but there is another example of a good father who's recently just come back into the limelight in music in music? No, no no, just released a new song who's a who's actually an incredible father oh, eminem eminem, we were talking about him yesterday.

Davey: 25:50

yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So you know, he raised his. He raised his daughter, yeah, for, and also he raised his uh, it wasn't his um so he raised also the child of his ex-wife and her new partner, yeah, yeah, and the other one, the middle child, was actually his niece, who he adopted.

Hannah: 26:14

Oh, okay.

Davey: 26:15

Yeah, it was his niece. And you know Slim Shady, eminem and everyone's kind of this whole thing's kind of coming out now and you know it's all like, oh, is it going to cancel Eminem? It's just ridiculous. It was like you know it's all like, oh, is it? You know you're going to cancel Eminem. It's just ridiculous. It was like you know, listen to the stuff from 20 years ago. Yeah, the fact that his new single is amazing, absolutely love it.

Hannah: 26:34

You're a big fan.

Davey: 26:35

Oh, huge fan, Huge fan. And even the fact that even you know this is his kids in the song and and all three of them are there. Like what? Absolutely genius. But you know there's a guy who, like his persona of rap artist you know guns, all this kind of thing you know in that kind of world, or perceived to be in that world is one of the most dedicated fathers in the world. Yeah, you know he'd do anything for his three kids.

Hannah: 27:03

Yeah, to adopt children, not of his own blood as well as is, it's very telling of yeah of the type of father he is.

Davey: 27:10

Yeah, yeah yeah, and you know, you look at how they've grown up and what they're doing and you can see they are very well-rounded children as well. Yeah, yeah, very well looked after. So I think, yeah, eminem needs to have a shout out.

Hannah: 27:23

Yeah, I think yeah, one other dad that we put when you're saying about disney was, I also thought, very well looked after. So I think, yeah, eminem needs to have a shout out. Yeah, I think he needs to have a shout out. Yeah.

Davey: 27:26

One other dad that we put when you're saying about Disney was I also thought about Mufasa.

Hannah: 27:30

Yeah, I've never seen the Lion King have you not. No, it's one of them, disney ones, that sort of passed me by. Yeah, the only one I can think of, didn't he die?

Davey: 27:44

Yeah, it's kind of a theme, isn't it?

Hannah: 27:45

It is a theme why did Disney just kill off parents?

Davey: 27:49

We need to do an episode on Disney, don't we?

Hannah: 27:51

I think we have.

Davey: 27:52

We have. I just haven't mixed it yet. We did it about four months ago.

Hannah: 27:56

We have we have won. It's to come, it's to come, yeah, yeah, it's in the pipeline, it's in the pipeline. So I guess we should end on what advice you would give to fathers I may be new fathers new fathers or stepfathers or stepfathers, bonus fathers, bonus fathers.

Davey: 28:16

I did write this down, I did write a few things down. I didn't want to do this one off the cuff, yeah, so I you've added one yes, I have sorry I just noticed that I wondered when you were gonna spot it that's a brilliant. I'm gonna start. I'm gonna start off with hannah's advice for new fathers no, it follows on from your father's okay, okay. So yeah, my first one is but you will get it right, but you will also get it wrong.

Hannah: 28:50

Okay, yeah, yeah, so don't worry about getting it wrong now tell the listeners what I wrote, and then you put admitting when you're wrong, as sometimes your child is right and I'm not saying your child is right in the sense of when they're younger and it's factually incorrect yeah I'm saying that sometimes and this isn't, this isn't something that that I don't feel that davy actually suffers with this, and that's not why I wrote it.

Hannah: 29:18

I think for all fathers, what I will say is that sometimes I would kind of sometimes listen to your child and listen to where they're coming from at times and I would suggest that, while, yes, you had more worldly experience, sometimes your children can have a different view. Yeah, that's not, that's not something that should be disregarded it's what I'm saying.

Hannah: 29:37

I'm not saying that your child is right. I'm just saying that sometimes your child may have more of an idea of how the modern world works, and I just want to put that out there that sometimes your child is right, even though they haven't had as much worldly experience as yourself. That's all I mean.

Davey: 29:53

Well, I think as well when you look at the whole point of view aspect.

Hannah: 29:57

Yes.

Davey: 29:57

You know and I did this at work the other day and explained about point of view, and you study psychology and philosophy, you'll know where I'm going with this is that, okay, we might be looking at the same thing, but we've got two completely different viewpoints on that same thing and we can see although it is what, when you look at it, saying, is that factually, what is there? Yes, but what I'm looking at it as and what you looking at that are two completely different things. And to do this as an experiment is write down the number six. Get a piece of paper, write down the number six and place it in front of somebody, in front of you. You are looking at that number, you are seeing a number six, they are looking at that number, seeing a number nine and seeing a number nine.

Davey: 30:38

Who's right? You both are, yeah, you're both right, yeah, and it's as simple as that. And it's learning to accept that truth necessarily isn't a truth per se. It's that person's truth and people need to respect that is what they are seeing as truth and what you are seeing as truth. And then you come to that common ground which, a lot of the time, is where a lot of arguments come from, because when it boils down to it, when people oh, there's no wrong or right, we'll just agree to disagree Well, actually you're both right. You're both right, but you just need to accept that somebody's looking at it from a different angle.

Hannah: 31:12

Yeah.

Davey: 31:13

And it's as simple as that. Yeah, yeah.

Hannah: 31:15

Any more advice for fathers?

Davey: 31:16

Preaching over yeah, just to yeah. Pretty simple, that's all you need to be is just be there. Yeah, communicate honestly.

Hannah: 31:27

Yeah, you've never not been honest with me. I think you've been age appropriate with me. I would say so. For example, you wouldn't explain something in graphic and gruesome detail at an age where I would be able to understand. I think that's not being honest. That's being appropriate for the person that you're speaking to. You wouldn't go into depth in something, for example, if you felt that it was going to upset them, but you wouldn't lie to them either.

Davey: 31:53

Exactly.

Hannah: 31:53

There's a way of communicating with young children, there's a way of communicating with adolescents and there's a way of communicating with your adult children as well.

Davey: 32:01

And you lose trust in people when people lie to you. So to me, communicate honestly, but, like you say, age appropriately. Yeah, age appropriately To have those boundaries.

Hannah: 32:11

Yeah.

Davey: 32:11

To have those boundaries Lead by example? Yes, but not that kind of do as I say, not as I do.

Hannah: 32:19

Yeah, yeah.

Davey: 32:20

Yeah, we had a conversation yesterday. I won't go over what the conversation was, but you kept apologizing to me for something I went. Hannah, I'm the last person you can like on this particular subject that you should be apologizing for. Yeah, yeah. So it's like yeah, lead by example, be loving and supportive I think that goes without saying.

Hannah: 32:41

Yeah, yeah.

Davey: 32:42

Yeah, don't judge, guide Guide.

Hannah: 32:54

I think some parents need to understand that they did grow up in a different time. And I don't want to be oh, you're such a snowflake, but actually times have, as this podcast really represents, times have changed so much in the last 20 years.

Davey: 33:02

Oh God, yeah, 21 years, or whatever.

Hannah: 33:07

You know it's, and they will keep evolving and they will keep doing that. So what your child decides to do may be more of a product of the society that they're now in and they're now representing it exactly as opposed to your, your thoughts of when you were a child at that time, because when you were a child it was a completely different time oh god yeah, um, and that's, that's just that really.

Davey: 33:26

Yeah, um, last one and last one reflect and adapt, reflect, reflect and adapt because, like I said, you know when I said mantra, isn't it?

Davey: 33:36

that's like a yoga it is a little bit of one, but it is. It's like, you know, when I came into your life, I I was, I was kind of thrown in the deep end, but not the same time, not as much as your mom was thrown into the deep end. You know, suddenly there you're presented with the baby. They just do. You know, I was presented with a yeah, I was presented with a six-year-old, well-formed girl and I'm like, oh my god, so I I probably didn't get things right and I was like, okay, buggered that one up, so maybe next time I'll play it this way yeah and and, and.

Davey: 34:02

Realizing, and, and knowing that you are going to make mistakes, yeah, but it's about how you then deal with those mistakes and grow as a family to err is to human to err to human. Yeah, exactly, so, yes. So happy father's day to all those daddies out there.

Hannah: 34:21

Daddy, daddy daddies out there. Daddy, daddy daddies. Happy father's day to all of the fathers out there yeah I'm sorry this was a two-parter.

Davey: 34:32

We knew this would drag we did, we knew we had so much to say I could see that we were looking both looking at the clock going this.

Hannah: 34:39

Yeah, some of these podcast episodes we we simply cannot cover in one session and we don't want to keep you uh, keep you uh too long for each session either, so we hope you don't mind the two parters, um, but thank you once again for joining us on our journey. Um, we could not have done a father's day podcast for this bonus dad bonus, daughter podcast. It's kind of what we're all about, so, um, so, yeah, thanks for joining us and, uh, thanks for thanks for joining us in part two as well. You.